Hasta Muerte Háganos Parte...

So I got bored one day watching daytime television, and then I see this...

As Jeff Foxworthy might say, "Mistake?  No, no.  Leaving your car keys in the car while it's running is a mistake.  Cleaning your gun with the safety off is a mistake.  Buying 'Witless Protection' is a mistake?  But marrying someone for twenty-three years, not knowing it's actually a man, is no 'mistake.'  That is a full-blown faux-pas."

Or, better yet, simply, "Ay Dios Mio!"

The Count Gets *****ed Out

**** on down to Sesame Street.  That's right, **** on down to Sesame Street.

By the way, how long has **** been ** ***Tube?  Really?  **** really?

Not a Hero

In recent years, the Medal of Honor has been awarded posthumously to war veterans who have given their lives in the service of their country, with three medals awarded during Obama's presidency.  This changed the other day...

No, I don't mean the presidency, I meant him giving the Medal of Honor to dead guys.  You silly gooses...

Staff Sergeant Salvatore Giunta distinguished himself in combat on October 25, 2007, when his rifle team was ambushed by Afghan insurgents.  Giunta rushed into the area of enemy fire to back up his comrades, and at one point caught up with a pair of Taliban members who were taking away one of his friends, Sgt. Josh Brennan.  Giunta killed one of the Taliban abductors and wounded the other before carrying Brennan away from the enemy.

He literally rushed into no-man's land and into gunfire to save a comrade.  What have you done for your friends lately?

Brennan had already sustained life-threatening injuries, but Giunta provided first aid long enough for the army medic to arrive.  Brennan later died from his injuries, but the army was at least able to provide a body for Brennan's family to bury, rather than leaving him to them terrorist sumbitches.  I mean, God knows what they would have done with him.

President Obama awarded the Medal of Honor to Giunta.  (*Edit:  The video of the ceremony is embedded below.)  "I like this guy, Sal, and as I found out myself when I first spoke with him on the phone, and when we met in the Oval Office today, he is a low-key guy, a humble guy.  He doesn't seek the limelight, and he'll tell you he didn't do anything special, that he was just doing his job, that any of his brothers in the unit would do the same thing.  In fact, he just lived up to what his team leader instructed him to do years before:  You do everything you can."



In an interview with 60 Minutes, Giunta admitted that he was overwhelmed at the prospect of being called a "hero," and didn't feel it was appropriate.  "The story was told, handshakes were made, and soon I'm talking to the President of the United States.  I don't see how that happened.  [...]  I'm average, I'm mediocre.  This is one moment.  I mean, I don't think I did anything that anyone else I was with wouldn't have done. I was in a position to do it. That's what needed to be done. So that's what I did."

Well, if this guy isn't a hero, I obviously wouldn't know what a hero is.  I don't think anyone could disagree with that...

"When we think of heroism in battle, we used the think of our boys storming the beaches of Normandy under withering fire, climbing the cliffs of Pointe do Hoc while enemy soldiers fired straight down on them, and tossing grenades into pill boxes to take out gun emplacements.  That kind of heroism has apparently become passe when it comes to awarding the Medal of Honor. We now award it only for preventing casualties, not for inflicting them."

Apparently, someone disagrees with me.

Enter Bryan Fischer, the head of the American Family Association, who commented on his blog that awarding the Medal of Honor to those who save lives instead of killing the enemy may result in "feminizing" the Medal of Honor.  He goes on to ask, "When are we going to start awarding the Medal of Honor once again for soldiers who kill people and break things so our families can sleep safely at night?"

The fuck?

Bryan Fischer goes on to admit that such self-sacrifice is noble, but also useless if it is not enough to destroy the enemy.  "Jesus’ act of self-sacrifice would ultimately have been meaningless - yes, meaningless - if he had not inflicted a mortal wound on the enemy while giving up his own life."  Quoting the Bible itself, he further adds, "It was on the cross that he crushed the head of the serpent. It was on the cross that 'he disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in it'."

Okay, fine.  I'm not going to debate whether or not terrorist sumbitches are terrorist sumbitches at this point.  Nazis are Nazis, "the enemy" is the enemy, and terrorist sumbitches are terrorist sumbitches.  If they are truly out to threaten us, we must put a stop to their monstrous acts against humanity by any means necessary, even if this means killing them.

But what kind of warped mind questions the bravery of storming into enemy fire to save a friend's life?  How does anyone drag their feet at the thought of awarding a medal to such an example of conspicuous bravery and valor?

I think the guy is simply living in a different time, back in a time with the good ol' boys, in Fischer's words, "storming the beaches of Normandy under withering fire, climbing the cliffs of Pointe do Hoc while enemy soldiers fired straight down on them, and tossing grenades into pill boxes to take out gun emplacements." 

Which is great and all, except not every enemy is the Third Reich (or Satan, for that matter), and not all problems can be solved by throwing more grenades at it.  What Fischer forgets is that America is on a peacekeeping mission, to restore order to the Middle East.  This does not entail responding to force with more force.  The ideal war he has in mind is the equivalent of a ballistic missile destroying everything in its path, when what we need is a "smart bomb" approach, tailored to surgically remove the enemy, and only the enemy.

Oh, and Fischer?  Jesus saves.  He saves everyone.  Including "the enemy."  Just as one soldier, back in '07, who was anything but a "hero," saved the life of his friend.

Klaus, the Little Engine That Could...

Sorry about not having any actual updates lately.  It seems like whenever I should be typing something, real life comes in and says, "Uh uh, bitch."  So yeah, November might be kind of a slow month.

With that in mind, though, here's a little something from "American Dad."



Ha ha.  It's funny because Klaus is German.  And even funnier because he's a Nazi war criminal trapped in the body of a fish.

"What's it Called?"

I'd like a cushy job.  If nothing else, my degree in experimental transportation might help me land the position.  (I just got it from night classes at Subway University.  That counts, right?)

Corpse Carnage

It figures the one night I have actually stuff to turn in to class, my IRL blog buddy shows up at my doorstep and says he needs to talk.

As all has not been well for me recently, so has life not always been perfect for my circle of friends, and especially not the one guy I hang out with on a regular basis.  It's 2010, and the fact of the matter is that it's gotten harder to make friends.  Blame it on the Internet, blame it on iPods, blame it on politics, or just blame it on us.  All either of us knows for sure is that it isn't quite freshman year anymore.

Despite dealing with my own little existential crisis, I can't say I'm the best at helping others cope with their problems.  All I can do is lend them a listening ear, set aside a place to chill in my room, and offer platitudes such as "it isn't quite freshman year anymore," or "I'm sure things will get easier."  Or, "Maybe you should stop reading shit out loud.  Seriously, I'm a visual learner anyway, and besides...just stop reading shit out loud."

We got done talking for the night, seeing as how it was 11:00 and time for the Daily Show to come on.  He took a spot by my computer, which I needed to grab in order to finish a couple of assignments due the next morning.  I stress morning, and preface it with an "8 o'clock in the..."  Just so you know how inadvisable a late night was under the circumstances.

About ten minutes into the Daily Show, I saw my buddy getting on to a site to shoot up some zombies (something called "Corpse Carnage," I can only assume).  And I couldn't help but think quietly to myself, "What the heck?  The Daily Show is on right now.  You were the one who wanted to change the channel, aren't you even going to watch?"  Granted, I wasn't paying too much attention either, but that's because I had a homework assignment out.

It was about an hour into his game (and well into the Colbert Report) when I asked, "Are you going to get off my computer?"  He's all like, "I'm almost done with this."  By "almost," I can only assume he meant somewhere in the area of thirty to forty more minutes.

I knew he wanted to catch the midnight run of "South Park," seeing as how we were both waiting to see how the cliffhanger would be resolved.  Even so, as we watched the first few minutes of "Mysterion Rises," I couldn't help but feel the ever-growing twinge of tension as my buddy continued to mow down zombies from my computer.

There are two reasons I have added this post.  The first is relatively self-explanatory once you realize that not many people can run on four hours of sleep.  He finally left once South Park was over, but the homework I needed to complete on the computer ended up occupying me until I went to bed at the third strike of three o'clock.  Needless to say, I'm still a little tired right now.

The second, which finally got us to stop debating whether it's pronounced "kuh-thoo-loo" or "kuh-too-loo," was the reveal of Mysterion's identity and the secret of his power.  At the beginning of the episode, he notes his secret ability, something of a "curse" more than a gift, but the moment Mysterion's identity was revealed, two and two quickly came together as my buddy and I came to utter three simple words:  "He can't die."

My buddy, ever the otaku of my circle of friends, was quick to notice the "Tortoro" reference with Cartman riding Cthulhu.  He couldn't stop laughing at the song playing as the two monsters, human and unreal cosmic entity, went on a rampage, while I couldn't stop thinking to myself, "Cartman, of all people, would be the one to tame Cthulhu..."

Oh, and from what he's told me, it is pronounced "kuh-too-loo."  That 'h' at the beginning is silent.

I Am You, I...Am KanYEEE-EEEE-EEEE

Sorry about not updating quickly.  Been busy with a paper.  And a test.  What can I say, school happens.

I would worry about the video stretching out into my adspace.  But hey, you can just click to go to YouTube.

I'll give you a quick synopsis of the video:  It's Christine O'Donnell.  She sings through autotune.  She then proceeds to barge into a House meeting, informing the audience, "Yo, Pelosi, Imma let you finish, but Sarah Palin had one of the best campaigns of all time!  One of the best campaigns of all time!"