There are many people in the dating scene these days who are blessed with things like charisma, wit, charm, the ability to sweep the opposite sex off their feet, or failing that, they at least have some sort of hot body that would attract the ladies at first glance.
And then you have guys like me, who missed the memo that something might have been a bit off in our approach to finding the right girl...
So I introduce this buddy of mine to my ex. Now, when I say I "introduce" them, I don't mean I "fix them up." What I mean is that I felt it appropriate to introduce one circle of friends to another. Like a social hour. Except a little bit dysfunctional. You see, when one circle of friends is running on 4 hours of sleep and 5 hours of caffeine, and the other circle is just running on no sleep, there are bound to be some problems. I mean, this guy doesn't really need caffeine, but the presence of it in his system has surely not helped matters at this point.
There's a stand-up routine where some comedian (I forget this particular performer's name) jokes about introducing one group of friends to another. "First of all, they think I'm extremely wealthy. And don't be surprised if I talk in a British accent." In my rendition, I spend half the night explaining just why my buddy is yelling these battle cries, and why these battle cries are directed toward some fireworks in the distance. ("He really, really likes pyrotechnics...")
Some fireworks in the distance. Huh. It's almost like I planned that.
She laughs. "Yeah, I bet."
Some fireworks in the distance. Never been one for big romantic gestures, but usually, in the movies, this is where the guy does something. Makes something happen. A kiss, all too quick, but still a kiss. Or maybe some wine glasses tucked behind that tree. (Champagne, anyone?)
When you're in the moment, there's never time to think about that. Never enough time. All the time in the world, is useless in the here and now.
Plus, you know, she's an "ex". Those two letters, the worst two letters in the English language. Worst swear I've ever used.
How do you let go? How do you single, well-adjusted people let go of someone like that?
Our first class together, too busy, to find out what we should know about each other. Our first dinners together, a meal out with some friends. Again, too busy. We walk around campus, we talk about our homework, our families, our home lives, our jobs, our friends, our...their...dating lives.
Our first kiss. Our...last kiss. Our first and last kiss.
It's a path that can never really be tread again. Steps you can never repeat, steps you can never take back. A dance, a tango, a ritual of sorts. They call it "courting," a dance, a system that wouldn't be out of place in antiquity, in the halls of courts, in that stranger, nobler time before chivalry died a slow death, before lov...
They say we have love for our family, our country, our god, our fellow human beings. Our friends. But they never say you can love a friend, as opposed to..."love." Love. Love love love love love.
We toss that word around, like a used sweater. It gets worn, gets torn, you can see the holes. It becomes a frayed, tattered mess of an excuse for what it was. Then it gets tossed aside, and we move down the aisle, looking for another one to fill the void left by the last one.
What if I don't want a new one? How do you let go? How exactly do you let go? Does it get easier, the more times you go through those steps, that tango?
I've never wanted another partner. Never needed another partner.
You ask, "What does this 'dance' of yours mean? What makes you and your girlfriend...oh, I'm sorry...ex-girlfriend of yours, so damn special?"
There are many people who will never have an answer for that question. There are those who never really knew the answer in the first place.
But there are others who can't put it in words. And I will say that you cannot put that dance in words. You cannot put into words the first few steps in that thing called love any easier than you can explain those last few steps for someone who's never done it before, never been through that before, never taken that special someone in his hands and treated her like she is the most precious thing in the world.
I'm in the car, long gone by now. My buddy is with me. The "girl," the "ex," is nowhere to be found.
"She's nice," he says. "But I can see why..."
So what did I do wrong? Oh fountain of all knowledge?
"There's no spark," he says. "But I can tell that you were good friends."
The first step begins with that much, and ends with so little...
"You're also really sarcastic, dude."
Big surprise.
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