More Fire Bad. (Very. Very. Bad.)

Continuing my general rant against the clusterfuck that is the holiday season (as well as my recycling of titles from previous posts), I regret to admit that I didn't manage to catch the Daily Show last night--since I'm still on school time, and I was up late the night before so my ability to "wake up" was a bit compromised.

So, of course, it was just after I'd woke up this morning when I finally managed to catch his interview with four of New York's finest.

It's an eye opener, frankly, for those of us...who happen to get our news from America's number-one trusted fake newsman...to find out the plight of those 9/11 rescuers who are in need of health care.

The bill in question, formerly called the James Zadroga 9/11 Health and Compensation Act, would provide $7.4 billion in free aid and medical care to rescue workers who have suffered from health problems as a result of the attack on the World Trade Center.  However, following its maiden voyage from the House, it has drowned in a sea of Senate filibusters.

The filibusters, if Google magic is to be believed, have been driven by a pact between Senate Republicans, who have signed an agreement not to support any other legislation until the long-awaited issue of the Bush tax cuts has been approved.  Apparently, this includes refusing health care to 9/11 workers and rescuers.

Republican Senators have vowed to resolve the tax cut issue following the New Year, saying that it would be disrespectful to Christians and the spirit of Christmas to spend the holiday week between.  Stewart, as you might imagine, took issue with our elected representatives deciding to twiddle their thumbs while our finest Americans are left to fend for themselves with ailments such as...let's see...brain cancer, throat cancer, heart disease, lung disease, back problems, cancer of the lymph nodes (which may or may not be synonymous with throat cancer)...and this was just between the four guys who were in good enough shape to show up on the Daily Show.

Stewart also lambasted the mainstream media for not covering what, in so many words, is basically a moral travesty of the highest magnitude.  Taking matters into his own hands, and making up for the lost time of the entire press (save Al-Ja-freaking-zeera), he invited four 9/11 responders to discuss the situation with him and a nationwide audience.

There's also a sense of a disconnect between the politicians and the 9/11 workers, as evidenced by Senator Mitch McConnell giving a tear-filled speech for...this buddy of his who's retiring.  Jim Bunning, a baseball player who went on to politics, and who apparently dressed up one time.  To be fair, he sounds like a much more forceful and dynamic personality than, say, the men and women who rescued people from a hundred-story burning building.

And, as I Google John Kyl (the guy who doesn't want to go in to work during the week after Christmas), it kills me...kills me inside...that the only result I see that's remotely related to his refusal to resolve the filibuster over Christmas is...well, this.

Now I could rant and rave about this all day, but the fact of the matter is that the audience for my blog is negligible at best.  I plan on Facebooking it, and I plan on Tweeting it, and dear God I might even MySpace it, but the first thing I plan on doing is showing this video to my mom.  Because people need to know about this.  For God's sake, people need to know about it.

More of the Simple Things

First of all, is there anything more grandiose than a "war on Christmas"?  And why is there still a "war on Christmas"?

I don't know how this business of semantic nonsense (which is, by definition, an oxymoron) all started, but I honestly don't believe there is any sort of war on Christmas.  I believe there is a war on "Happy Holidays," or a war on "non-denominational fun," or a war on "Chrismahanukwanzakah."  But there is no war on Christmas.

Jon Stewart, one of my personal heroes, advocates the 95% of Americans who just want to be left alone and couldn't care less about the hype that is Christmas.  But don't take my word for it.  Just take a yuletide look at DefendChristmas.com, whose author or authors have a few choice words on the matter.

"Media warriors divide the ranks of those on two sides: those who gleefully view public Christmas observance as a right versus those who glumly view Christmas as a state-imposed endorsement of religious worship.  The buzz they create touches nearly every part of an otherwise festive season filled with light, color and music."

"There are heated arguments over the need for public funding for Christmas lights. Many nearly come to blows debating the mere use of the word “Christmas” in schools and at public events. Long-winded television commentators warn incessantly of “Christmas under attack” while politicians drone on about the separation of church and state. Retailers and their customers haggle over the use of the phrase “Merry Christmas”. Scholars debate over the pagan origins of modern Christmas celebrations while Christian “fundamentalists” denounce efforts to remove the mention of Christ from any holiday event. Every Christmas season seems to elevate the debate to a new level of absurdity."

"We believe both sides of the debate are wrong. We believe the media is woefully irresponsible in fanning the flames of controversy. We believe in the 95% Sentiment: most of us like to keep Christmas and we don’t think there are many people offended by it."

Thank you, thank you so much.  That is exactly the kind of clear, level-headed thinking...

"Have you encountered a 'Grinch' this Christmas season? Share your experiences here at GrinchAlert.com! Here, you can nominate businesses and organizations that shut-out expressions of Christmas in their interactions with the public via marketing, advertising and public relations. When companies use misplaced political correctness to halt the celebration of Christmas, they belong on the 'Naughty List.'”

Yes, believe it or not, the First Baptist Church of Dallas has actually set up a site where people can nominate local businesses for the "naughty" or "nice" list based on whether or not they honor the Christ in Christmas.  A few choice examples come to my attention as I read through the list:


--American Airlines:  "Excessive use of 'holiday', no mention of Christmas. With a name like American Airlines, come on."

Yes, of course.  Because no honest American would say "happy holidays."


Best Buy (Minneapolis):  "Best Buy is boldly using 'Christmas' rather than seasons greatings, happy holidays, etc. in their advertising this year They are referring to tech support; but their Christmas advertising slogan this year is 'Who's supporting Christmas?' "

Oh, gee, thank God their tech support guys are supporting the holiday spirit.  That just puts me at ease.

*Edit:  Yes, I realize I said "holiday spirit" instead of "Christmas spirit."  I'm not changing it.  Because Christmas is a holiday, and many people refer to it as "the holiday" without really thinking about it.  By supporting the holiday spirit, the wonderful tech support at Best Buy are also supporting the Christmas spirit.  "Holidays" and "Christmas" are not mutually exclusive.

Yeah.  I just blew your minds, didn't I?


--Target (probably everywhere):  "I was looking for an ornament that reflected the reason for the season, and I could not find anything that said Merry Christmas. I'm tired of seeing ONLY snowmen, Santa Clauses, snowflakes, birds, glitter, ect."

Yes.  That doesn't have anything at all to do with Christmas.  They ONLY had snowmen, Santa Clauses, snowflakes, birds, glitter, garland, greenery, Christmas lights, a little nutcracker...

Oh, and bonus points for misspelling "et cetera."  And generalizing for the entire chain based on what I can only assume was one Target location.


--Sears/Kmart (Grand Junction, Colorado):  "Say Happy Holidays while selling Christmas trees."

Yes.  This, of all examples, was on the "naughty list."  

They're selling Christmas trees.  They're selling.  CHRISTMAS trees!  How much more can you honor the "Christmas spirit" than that?!  That's like accusing some pastor who works at the homeless shelter of not honoring Christ just because he says "Goodbye" every night instead of "God be with you, Amen."  It's just nitpicking, and missing the point entirely.  God gives you points for helping people feel better, not for name-dropping his One and Only Son.


--Nordstrom's:  "Nordstrom's policy is to say 'Happy Holidays' and not 'Merry Christmas'."

Oh, gee, I bet that just destroys Nordstrom's customer base.  They seem like the kind of people who would get behind an issue like this.



--Macy's (Dallas, Texas):  "Employees would only respond with 'you too' instead of Merry Christmas."


Because, like many people, the good folks you see at Macy's have had a long, long day, and they are very, very tired.  Customer service only goes so far, and they can only be so sensitive to your apparently compulsive need to hear the word "Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays."  Or, "You too."  Or, "Have a safe trip home."

Now, one could argue that those nasty, nasty people in our day-to-day lives who refuse to wish their fellow Americans a merry Christmas lack empathy.  This is to be expected.  Because while Christmas is fine and all, there are several problems with this.  

First of all, there are other faiths, with other holidays to celebrate, and while we may not necessarily share their beliefs or holidays or their need for eight candles for eight nights, we still have to respect those beliefs.  Which means the "persecuted minority" that is the Christian community will only get so much empathy out of us while they buy nice things for their pretty little white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant children.


The next thing to remember is that, of course, 95% of the people you run across in customer service don't really care one way or the other.  If the difference between "happy holidays" and "Merry Christmas" is a memo from corporate, of course they're going to want to keep their job.  So if you really, really, really have a problem with their salutation and their choice of holiday marketing, take it up with their manager.  Then take it up with their manager.  And just go up that chain of command, until you're haranguing the CEO of Best Buy or Target.  And chances are, they'll tell you marketing did some studies, and so you take your little war to them...


Of course, the fact of the matter is that haranguing people over the war on Christmas will only get you so far.  The holidays are a busy time of year, and we have better things to do than worry about your professed faith, political correctness or faith in your god (or gods) be damned.


You want to know what I think?  Personally, I can't stand Christmas.  Or, not necessarily Christmas per se, but simply the sheer business and materialism and needless work and carols and decorating and over-saturation of holiday specials and the ice cold weather associated with the holiday season, with more wasted money, higher suicide rates, and a statistically more significant number of icy roads than any other time of year.  Whoever wins this little "war" gets to be associated with that.  So, in honor of whoever wins, yay for you.  Ra-freaking-shish-koom-ba.


So you know what I say?  Take the Christ out of Christmas.  Why on earth would Jesus want to be associated with this clusterfuck of a holiday?  Why is the pursuit of candy canes, Christmas trees, and buying out our loved ones with nice gifts really so sacred that the name of our Lord and Savior needs to be plastered all over it?


Jesus isn't in Best Buy, or Target, or any of those stores.  Whenever you give of yourself to others, Jesus is there.  He doesn't need a holiday to do that.  And the sooner we come to understand that, the better.

More Corpse Carnage

Damn you, Tim Allen, and your love affair with cars.  I liked you better when you were building elaborate Man's [Insert Household Room Here] and grills that could sh...

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there.  I'm just here at my computer, wasting time until I have to go to a Christmas party with some good friends of mine.  (Well, one of them's a good friend, the others are mostly acquaintances, one of them I kind of know from class.)

The IRL buddy of mine--the same one who reads out loud and apparently likes playing "Corpse Carnage"--recently re-introduced me to Metalocalypse.  I've only seen a few episodes, but I'd be tempted to do a Brewhaha review just from what I've seen.  (Maybe once the holidays have passed...)

For those of you who have never heard of it, a quick summary:  Metalocalypse is an Adult Swim cartoon based on Dethklok, which may or may not be based on an actual death metal band.  The premise of the show is this cartoonishly-influential death metal band gaining hordes of fans the world over, becoming rich, becoming a world power, and basically wreaking havoc and more-or-less moving the world closer to apocalypse.

No, they're not trying to start the apocalypse.  They're just idiots.  The SpongeBob Squarepants of anti-Christs, if you will.

So, while a season or two of Metalocalypse waits patiently on my Christmas list this year, I decided to do a quick journey into the depths of Google to see what I could find out about death/tech/DARKER AND EDGIER metal.

And lo and behold, I discovered some DARKER AND EDGIER bands.

The first video I came across (since YouTube audio gets past the radar a lot easier than any full-fledged videos, and is much easier to get a hold of and play anyway) was a fan retrospective on the "technicals" of death metal.  Seems like a good jumping off point to get into the intimidating world of death metal.

I also, as always, consulted the all-knowing Google on death metal, and soon came across Cannibal Corpse, a death metal band that was apparently formed at the turn of the 80's/90's.  Going from there, I journeyed on to YouTube to see what I could find, and managed to dreg up one or two or twenty videos of theirs.  Yes, apparently this band has done more than one video.  Or, for that matter, more than no videos at all...

Whenever I go into YouTube, I get an ad from Tim Allen promising us a car that "can plug into any socket."  Of course, I tune these ads out, but based on good old Tim Taylor's voice-over, they're trying to sell us a car that, while not extremely picky when it comes to matters of where it gets its juice from, is still emphatically the man's THE MAN'S CAR!

As you watch this three-minute symphony of metal, though, note the various touches of these seasoned, veteran musicians, including the clockwise positioning of their guitars, as well as their extremely well-choreographed head-banging, and the Victorian-esque vocals as the long-haired metal connoisseur with the mic deftly reminds us of the DEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATHHH WAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-chorus.

Not to mention being able to inject a level of pathos into what is apparently the beginnings of a zombie apocalypse.

I've also come across a band called Brain Drill numerous times, which I don't really feel like linking to right now, since I've got to leave five minutes ago.  But before I leave you, I will give you a band called Fleshgod Apocalypse.



Spoiler:  That piano doesn't last very long.

More Accentuating the Negative

For those of you who have dealt with difficult college professors, you might not be surprised that I'm revisiting this topic.  For those of you who have dealt with needlessly difficult college professors, let me just say, I envy you.  I envy you so much.

Luckily, most liberal arts schools tend to frown on a professor deducting points from a student's assignment for expressing a point which the former may disagree with.  Plus, my commentary on the status of Sony was an informed decision on my part, and so informed by a lengthy and exhaustive period of research on the company.  So, in this instance, in this particular Level 1 course, it would have been ill-advised for him to deduct points for that.

But he finds a way.  He always finds a way.

Based on your familiarity with Sony products, what business strategy do you recommend that Stringer employ to help Sony accelerate its business progress?

This was my answer:

While Sony has had considerable success with TV's, VCR's, and other entertainment devices, they have also had difficulty staying ahead of the competition, failing to capitalize on the market for portable devices.  With their market dominated by competitors, Sony simply needs to move away from their "traditional" products and more toward innovative, cutting-edge electronics.

Not a bad answer.  Perhaps some over-generalizations, but then again I'm not "familiar" with Sony products, and anyway this was one of several essay questions, and one of five classes I had to worry about anyway.

This was my professor's response:

While Sony has had considerable success with TV's, VCR's, and other entertainment devices, they it have also had difficulty staying ahead of the competition, failing to capitalize on the market for portable devices.  With their its market dominated by competitors, Sony simply needs to move away from their its "traditional" products and more toward innovative, cutting-edge electronics.

Why?  Why on Earth was that necessary?

Exactly what is the proper pronoun for a corporate entity?  And how was I supposed to know that the good folks in charge of Sony should be addressed as "it" instead of "they"?

How is it that I can Google endlessly and yet not find one instance of a corporation being referred to by anything other than its proper title?  No "its," "theirs," "theys," "he's," "she's," nothing!  What precedent is there for something like this?

I understand that a corporation is an entity distinct and separate from its owners.  But what about hives?  What about armies?  What about families?  Aren't these entities made up of people as well?  And don't we refer to a hive of bees as "they"?  Don't we call an army ten thousand strong "they"?  Isn't a family of five "they"?

So, Professor, what exactly is the difference between the deadbeat dad, the stay-at-home mom, and their octuplets being referred to as "they", and the corporation of hundreds, possibly thousands, if not tens of thousand, being referred to as "they"?  If it is made up of a large number of people acting to accomplish a specific goal, shouldn't they be called..."they"?  What part of my logic is off, and what part of your logic makes sense at all?

Even if we go strictly by the term "group," isn't that group made up of at least several people, and don't we refer to this group of people as "they"?  They, they, they, THEY?

So, what may I ask is the difference between calling any old group "they" and calling a corporation "they"?

Note:  They, they, they, they they theydhtey they ehty tehyt theyt theyt thety tghey theyt theyt theytheythtey THEYTHEYTHETYTHEYTHETY THEYTHEYTHEYTHEY!

More Cannon Fodder

If al-Qaeda or any other terrorist sumbsobitches are watching this, keep one thing in mind...

This is what two of our knuckleheads will do to your weapons.  We will fire them off.  Prematurely.

(Don't worry, he's just fine.  He sings in a choir now.  Soprano, I believe...)

Accentuating the Negative

Based on your familiarity with Sony products, what business strategy do you recommend that Stringer [the current CEO, assuming this textbook isn't out of date] employ to help Sony accelerate its business progress?

There are some professors you can't help but just hate.  The individual who assigned this particular question for what I assume is basically a Level 1 course is very quickly headed for that category of professors.

This question assumes that I have a first-hand knowledge of all things Sony, as opposed to the urgent need for a Google search on all things Sony that could end up eating the rest of my afternoon.

I have an MP3 with the letters "RCA" on it, which could mean it's a Sony product, or it could be representative of the other companies Sony has sold the trademark to.  In any case, it's a cheapo music player I bought for about thirty bucks anyway, so I doubt it's representative of Sony's products.  It alphabetizes your songs instead of letting you choose the order, though, so I still have to watch out for song titles that begin with the letter "A."  (It's weird hearing "Animal I Have Become" right after "Animal Crackers In My Soup"...)

The first hit I get is for something called "Qriocity," a "new, cloud-based, digital music service from Sony that will give music lovers access to millions of songs stored and synchronized through the cloud," which is available for PSP's and presumably marketed toward those with a "query" fetish.  All of this means that it's absolutely none of my concern.  According to the reader comments, it's just a cheap copy of Zune, which means, again, none of my concern.  (I am familiar with Pandora, although I haven't logged on in months.  I should, though, I would probably have enough credits or whatever built up to get to the music I like...)

From AndroidCommunity.com, we have an important message for "the users that have picked up Sony Ericsson Xperia X8 or X10 and have been counting the days until there was an update for Android offered."  In other words, it's absolutely none of my concern, since I've never even heard of an "Xperia" until about five minutes ago.  According to reader comments, it's "old news," meaning I'll have to claw my way out of the Stone Age with a Google search just for Xperia.

Oh, okay, so it's for Android 2.0 specifically.  Or Android 2.0 is for the Xperia.  I'm not sure which is which, so obviously discussing Sony's portable devices is out of the question at this point.

Search:  "sony TV"...ah, here we go.  This "Google TV" looks promising...

Or not.  Apparently, the Google TV is about $200 more expensive than it should be, even after a $200 markdown just for Black Friday, the most wonderful time of the year.  A reader comments below on the Google TV being one of "2 unwanted and failed products." 

It just goes to show that you can count on the Internet to accentuate the negative.  Unless, of course, we're talking about our troops.  Actually, no, even our troops aren't off-limits.

So let's Google that other "unwanted and failed product"...ah, here we go.  Electronista cites customer complaints about Windows Phone 7.  Among these complaints include the customers having to pay for what they get and the product not being close to what they have paid for.  Of course, I'm paraphrasing here, there's stuff in there about a "beta experience" and "broken analytics."  The crux of the article is that users have apparently been purchasing pirated copies, and developers aren't receiving anywhere near the income they were expecting.  This isn't necessarily a problem for the customer per se, but it's still some bad publicity on Sony's part.

So, if I go strictly by this Google search, as opposed to any informed opinions (or lack thereof) based on my consumer habits (or lack thereof), Sony has been doing anything and everything wrong lately.

There, that question wasn't so hard.

---------------------------

Before I go, the last I've heard about our "not-hero" and recent Medal of Honor recipient Salvatore Giunta (whose name I apparently needed to edit just now), he was on the pre-Thanksgiving episode of the Late Show with David Letterman.  The episode can be found here in its entirety on CBS.com (those little white dots at the bottom of the screen are advertisements--just skip past the second or third one to get to their interview).

Highlights:  A dialogue on the value of "free things," the nation is introduced to his wife, and a discussion on what it's like to meet the President of the United States.

Note:  "Decaffeinated coffee...
It's what they're drinking in hell!"

The Simple Things

It occurs to me that Google doesn't seem to have much info when it comes to Vladimir Putin's new pet dog.  That's a shame.  I haven't really done a whole lot of human interest pieces lately.  Well, besides that last one about a week ago.

But yes, Vladimir Putin, the current prime minister of Russia and would-be conqueror of the free world, has a puppy, a gift from his business associate in Bulgaria.  Putin can be seen on this page, either looking "thrilled with his new pet" or possibly contemplating consuming the dog via some sort of nightmarish bio-assimilation.

All jokes aside, though, even a possibly staged photo op such as "Marley and Me" (depending on what Putin is planning on naming his new pet) is simply more proof of what we have to be thankful for as we approach Thanksgiving, that wonderful time of year just before that materialistic clusterfuck known as Christmas, when we all give thanks for what we have before we go out to buy the love of our friends and family nice things for our loved ones.  Whether it's the latest Wii game, or just something as simple as a puppy, we all have something to be thankful for.

For starters, I'm thankful for having friends and family who love me, and have been willing to put up with me over the years, as we all probably have loved ones we take for granted.  I'm thankful for my movie buddy who I get to talk with on a regular basis, and who has been willing to extend his friendship since I moved on campus.  I'm also especially thankful that I am on speaking terms with my ex, even if things haven't always been pleasant between us.

I'm thankful to have a roof over my head (two, counting both my dorm and my own home), to have food (even if it isn't always the healthiest stuff), shelter, nice warm clothing, a nice, long, hot shower in the morning and three square meals a day.

I'm thankful for the government and all of the things they have done for us, whether it's bringing us our mail on time, making sure we have safe roads and working utilities, protecting us at home and abroad, and simply being there for us when we're at our lowest.  I'm thankful for my church home, and for a God who is always there for us, even if we cannot comprehend His purpose for us.

I'm thankful that I am in good health, that I can see, hear, get out of bed in the morning, make it to my work and classes.  I'm thankful that I have two working hands, two steady feet, a cool head on my shoulders, and the nourishment to replenish my strength.

Finally, I am thankful for today (or tomorrow, or the day after, or the week after), to remind us all of the loved ones we have, and to simply remind us to say a simple "thanks" every now and then.