More of the Simple Things

First of all, is there anything more grandiose than a "war on Christmas"?  And why is there still a "war on Christmas"?

I don't know how this business of semantic nonsense (which is, by definition, an oxymoron) all started, but I honestly don't believe there is any sort of war on Christmas.  I believe there is a war on "Happy Holidays," or a war on "non-denominational fun," or a war on "Chrismahanukwanzakah."  But there is no war on Christmas.

Jon Stewart, one of my personal heroes, advocates the 95% of Americans who just want to be left alone and couldn't care less about the hype that is Christmas.  But don't take my word for it.  Just take a yuletide look at DefendChristmas.com, whose author or authors have a few choice words on the matter.

"Media warriors divide the ranks of those on two sides: those who gleefully view public Christmas observance as a right versus those who glumly view Christmas as a state-imposed endorsement of religious worship.  The buzz they create touches nearly every part of an otherwise festive season filled with light, color and music."

"There are heated arguments over the need for public funding for Christmas lights. Many nearly come to blows debating the mere use of the word “Christmas” in schools and at public events. Long-winded television commentators warn incessantly of “Christmas under attack” while politicians drone on about the separation of church and state. Retailers and their customers haggle over the use of the phrase “Merry Christmas”. Scholars debate over the pagan origins of modern Christmas celebrations while Christian “fundamentalists” denounce efforts to remove the mention of Christ from any holiday event. Every Christmas season seems to elevate the debate to a new level of absurdity."

"We believe both sides of the debate are wrong. We believe the media is woefully irresponsible in fanning the flames of controversy. We believe in the 95% Sentiment: most of us like to keep Christmas and we don’t think there are many people offended by it."

Thank you, thank you so much.  That is exactly the kind of clear, level-headed thinking...

"Have you encountered a 'Grinch' this Christmas season? Share your experiences here at GrinchAlert.com! Here, you can nominate businesses and organizations that shut-out expressions of Christmas in their interactions with the public via marketing, advertising and public relations. When companies use misplaced political correctness to halt the celebration of Christmas, they belong on the 'Naughty List.'”

Yes, believe it or not, the First Baptist Church of Dallas has actually set up a site where people can nominate local businesses for the "naughty" or "nice" list based on whether or not they honor the Christ in Christmas.  A few choice examples come to my attention as I read through the list:


--American Airlines:  "Excessive use of 'holiday', no mention of Christmas. With a name like American Airlines, come on."

Yes, of course.  Because no honest American would say "happy holidays."


Best Buy (Minneapolis):  "Best Buy is boldly using 'Christmas' rather than seasons greatings, happy holidays, etc. in their advertising this year They are referring to tech support; but their Christmas advertising slogan this year is 'Who's supporting Christmas?' "

Oh, gee, thank God their tech support guys are supporting the holiday spirit.  That just puts me at ease.

*Edit:  Yes, I realize I said "holiday spirit" instead of "Christmas spirit."  I'm not changing it.  Because Christmas is a holiday, and many people refer to it as "the holiday" without really thinking about it.  By supporting the holiday spirit, the wonderful tech support at Best Buy are also supporting the Christmas spirit.  "Holidays" and "Christmas" are not mutually exclusive.

Yeah.  I just blew your minds, didn't I?


--Target (probably everywhere):  "I was looking for an ornament that reflected the reason for the season, and I could not find anything that said Merry Christmas. I'm tired of seeing ONLY snowmen, Santa Clauses, snowflakes, birds, glitter, ect."

Yes.  That doesn't have anything at all to do with Christmas.  They ONLY had snowmen, Santa Clauses, snowflakes, birds, glitter, garland, greenery, Christmas lights, a little nutcracker...

Oh, and bonus points for misspelling "et cetera."  And generalizing for the entire chain based on what I can only assume was one Target location.


--Sears/Kmart (Grand Junction, Colorado):  "Say Happy Holidays while selling Christmas trees."

Yes.  This, of all examples, was on the "naughty list."  

They're selling Christmas trees.  They're selling.  CHRISTMAS trees!  How much more can you honor the "Christmas spirit" than that?!  That's like accusing some pastor who works at the homeless shelter of not honoring Christ just because he says "Goodbye" every night instead of "God be with you, Amen."  It's just nitpicking, and missing the point entirely.  God gives you points for helping people feel better, not for name-dropping his One and Only Son.


--Nordstrom's:  "Nordstrom's policy is to say 'Happy Holidays' and not 'Merry Christmas'."

Oh, gee, I bet that just destroys Nordstrom's customer base.  They seem like the kind of people who would get behind an issue like this.



--Macy's (Dallas, Texas):  "Employees would only respond with 'you too' instead of Merry Christmas."


Because, like many people, the good folks you see at Macy's have had a long, long day, and they are very, very tired.  Customer service only goes so far, and they can only be so sensitive to your apparently compulsive need to hear the word "Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays."  Or, "You too."  Or, "Have a safe trip home."

Now, one could argue that those nasty, nasty people in our day-to-day lives who refuse to wish their fellow Americans a merry Christmas lack empathy.  This is to be expected.  Because while Christmas is fine and all, there are several problems with this.  

First of all, there are other faiths, with other holidays to celebrate, and while we may not necessarily share their beliefs or holidays or their need for eight candles for eight nights, we still have to respect those beliefs.  Which means the "persecuted minority" that is the Christian community will only get so much empathy out of us while they buy nice things for their pretty little white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant children.


The next thing to remember is that, of course, 95% of the people you run across in customer service don't really care one way or the other.  If the difference between "happy holidays" and "Merry Christmas" is a memo from corporate, of course they're going to want to keep their job.  So if you really, really, really have a problem with their salutation and their choice of holiday marketing, take it up with their manager.  Then take it up with their manager.  And just go up that chain of command, until you're haranguing the CEO of Best Buy or Target.  And chances are, they'll tell you marketing did some studies, and so you take your little war to them...


Of course, the fact of the matter is that haranguing people over the war on Christmas will only get you so far.  The holidays are a busy time of year, and we have better things to do than worry about your professed faith, political correctness or faith in your god (or gods) be damned.


You want to know what I think?  Personally, I can't stand Christmas.  Or, not necessarily Christmas per se, but simply the sheer business and materialism and needless work and carols and decorating and over-saturation of holiday specials and the ice cold weather associated with the holiday season, with more wasted money, higher suicide rates, and a statistically more significant number of icy roads than any other time of year.  Whoever wins this little "war" gets to be associated with that.  So, in honor of whoever wins, yay for you.  Ra-freaking-shish-koom-ba.


So you know what I say?  Take the Christ out of Christmas.  Why on earth would Jesus want to be associated with this clusterfuck of a holiday?  Why is the pursuit of candy canes, Christmas trees, and buying out our loved ones with nice gifts really so sacred that the name of our Lord and Savior needs to be plastered all over it?


Jesus isn't in Best Buy, or Target, or any of those stores.  Whenever you give of yourself to others, Jesus is there.  He doesn't need a holiday to do that.  And the sooner we come to understand that, the better.