Does YOUR Computer Have a Virus?

Well, apparently, mine did.

So I'm on my computer Friday night, and seeing as how I try to keep the Brewhaha updated at least every week, I thought quietly to myself, "You know what, I should upload a review of that one Jim Carrey movie where he has to be unintentionally funny instead of intentionally annoying."  So I got my review for "The Truman Show" all typed up and ready to go, and I log on, and as soon as I try to get on to one of my blog pages, I get this error message saying:

"Warning:  Blocked by Sonic Wall.  Trojan Horse 666 #id Slash Delete Bleach Your Mind!  Impending Terror Imminent!  Consult your physician now!"

After I got a hold of my doctor, he told me I should go to the Blogger Help forum.  So I went there, and they told me I needed to get a hold of the company responsible for putting up the firewall (since Google evidently doesn't do that).

With this in mind, I went to bed.  Because it was late, and I told myself I could do it the next morning.  I logged back in and tried to get on my blog page, and lo and behold, the firewall was gone.

It's amazing what sleep can accomplish, isn't it?  It relieves stress, strengthens your immune system, and protects your PC from Trojan viruses.

100 Things?

So, needless to say, despite my promised quota of about nine posts a month (including dumb old YouTube videos and all), it's been kind of a busy month with school and work and all this random take-home paperwork I've got now, and I've fallen a bit behind schedule.

For anyone out there who blogs, or writes articles, or really just writes anything in general, have you ever had one of those days where you had a good idea, and you tell yourself you just have to write about it?  And then you have one of those days where you sit down to right about it, but you completely forget what on earth you were planning on writing?

Well, luckily that didn't quite happen with me, because there are too many people on the Internets who won't let me forget it.

Apparently, even in our ultra-capitalist, disgustingly-materialistic society, there are some brave souls out there willing to go without.  This is all part of the unofficial "100 Things or Less" challenge, where those brave souls have to give (or sell, or throw) away all but a hundred of their material possessions.

This craze started with Dave Bruno, an online "entrepreneur" and guy who writes stuff, who issued the 100 Thing Challenge to himself one summer when he realized he couldn't quite get into the kitchen without having to stop the hundredth pair of shoes from falling on his head.  Having finally developed some sort of averse allergic reaction to the mess his house had become, he now keeps a running tally of his personal inventory, and is "is so averse to excess he can't refer to 100 things in the plural."  In other words, he's exactly the kind of guy you wanna go drinking with.

In fact, the last I checked (about eight minutes before posting this), he and his wife were poised to sell their house.  Hardcore.

Now, I'm not saying you should just go and sell all of your possessions (although a good friend of mine might say that).  I'm even not saying you should go and sell half of your possessions (though, again, a certain friend of ours immortalized in the book of Esther might beg to differ, and half seems like a nice, round number to work with).  And frankly, keeping track of your possessions for the sole purpose of tallying them and obsessing over a quota is less healthy than letting them accumulate to begin with.

But let's just play a little game for the fun of it, and see how many random things are right in front of you right now.  Since I'm a non-homeless person sitting at my computer in my dorm, I'm assuming you are also sitting at your own computer right now, or at least sharing a computer with a spouse, a roommate, or possibly your parents.


Right now, just at a glance at my desk, I see:

My laptop (obviously)
HP All-in-One printer/scanner/copier (for the multi-taskers out there)
A stack of paper for my printer
A stack of papers on top of my printer (obviously that "paperwork" I was discussing)
My stapler
Pencil sharpener
Pair of scissors from grade school (back before The Brewsky had come into his own)
Some receipts I should probably throw out
A couple of pens (2)
Some pencils (3)
My MP3 player
An eraser (again, from grade school)
Post-It note reminding me about my date
Ticket stub for "True Grit" (which I may or may not be able to deduct as a business expense)
The Emerson MP3 player my buddy gave me the other day
School notepad



Now, as for the stuff inside my desk?  Well...

The drawer stuffed full of receipts I need to balance my check book (I use my debit card a lot)
The flashing orange USB plug police light deals my blog buddy gave me...oh, just look here
A case study for one of my classes
Some folders (3)
School planner
Batteries
Some box for a Christmas gift I got (audio recorder, I think)
First aid booklet (for my other job helping Hannibal and the guys get out of sticky situations)
Roll of quarters
The Essential Writings and Speeches of Martin Luther King, Jr.
The Watchmen comic book graphic novel
A Coca-Cola worksheet for one of my business classes
Some article from MercuryNews.com about "keeping the peace at the holiday dinner table" (I should keep that for next year, just to be safe)
More printer paper
Plastic bag from Wal-Mart
An old, presumably broken...yep, it's broken...candy cane
A bottle of bubbles
The Christmas bag the above two items came in when a friend of mine gave them to me
Bag and receipt from the campus bookstore



Now, as for the stuff on the floor right by my desk...

My school notebook
Laundry bag (any clothes you would need for, say, maybe a couple of days, counts as one item)
Underwear (again, all one item--all of it)
Novelization version of the Iron Man film (spoiler:  There is no "icing problem.")
Some old textbooks (2)
An old school notebook  (What can I say?  Our school bookstore is generous.)
Backpack
Briefcase for my laptop



Across the room?

Laundry basket full of clothes (let's just say that's what I wear for about a week and be done with that)
Quart of oil
Some files (5...or 6?  Yeah, go with 6.)
Two old backpacks (the books ripped through them like paper.  Well, paper processed and held in a hardback by ridiculously profitable textbook companies.)
Plastic silverware (technically that would make it something other than silverware, but whateve)
Shirts on hangers (I'll be a sport and count all 9 of them, including the flannel)
ID tag for the state Thespian festival
Winter coat
Beach towel
Graduation cap and gown (assuming I graduate this term)



Over by my dresser...

Pretzels (2 different brands, so that counts as two)
Can of soup
Shampoo
Soap
Lotion (What?  It gets cold this time of year.  And my hands always dry out anyway.)
Purex washer/dryer sheets (the kind you can use for both detergent and as fabric softener)
Hydrocortisone or some kind of cream
Tickets for a local play (2)
Air freshener
Electric razor
Hair gel
Toothbrush and toothpaste (frankly, it's better to count hygiene items as one)
Ramen.  Lots of Ramen.
Noodles and Sauce.  Lots of Noodles and Sauce.
Box of popcorn
Book I need to start reading



On the stand for my TV, there is...

A TV (go figure)
DVD for Season 1 of "Bleach"
DVD for Season 2 of "Bleach" (I should start watching that)
DVD for "(500) Days of Summer"
DVD for the South Park movie
DVD for "The Simpsons" Season 1
Alarm clock
Bottle of soap
Post-It notes

Oh, I think I just hit exactly 100 right here.



And finally, just over by my bed, we have...

Green chair from home
The box for my printer
More (MORE!!??) textbooks (2)
Couple of sweaters (read: 2)
Winter jacket
Plastic bags (3, at a glance)
Cap from the Hard Rock Cafe of Minneapolis
A Confederacy of Dunces (which I seriously need to finish)
Mini-fridge
Apples from the cafeteria
3 water bottles
Some fruit punch from the local dollar store
iChill Relaxation Shot
The Dixie cup I use for that punch (drink too much sugar as it is)
Plastic/metal cup to store in heat from that morning coffee (or hot chocolate, or whatever your warm beverage of choice is)
Napkins
Trash can
Roll of paper towels
Blue Bunny bin I use to heat up Ramen with


And I guess I'm supposed to count the bed coverings too.  I'm not counting the bed, though.  That's the school's.



So, by my count, that's...124.

As I recounted, it occurred to me that there were a few things I was missing.  For instance, 1 "DVD" may refer to a pack of 4 or 5 DVD's with about 3 or 4 episodes each.  And I never bothered to check my backpack, or any of the files or folders.  Plus, there's also the...yes, the multiplug extension cords I use, and...one plastic bag full of cans and bottles that need returned.

But yes, I'm guessing that I could throw out a lot of this stuff.  If not half, than definitely at least enough to put me down to 100 items.

Of course, if you're not a college student like me, then you probably have a lot more stuff to throw out.  In which case...well, good luck with that, I guess.

Note:  The Brewsky acknowledges that 100 items is a relatively arbitrary quota to go by when getting rid of stuff.  Remember to properly dispose of all of your items, or else you could risk getting fined by the city.  And, as always, remember that when you get rid of one priceless, mint-condition Han Solo action figure, another poor sap will just buy it.  It's the blind leading the blind, the cycle that never ends.  The...ugh...Dark Side of the Force, if you will.

The Third Wheel

So there I was, on a date at T.G.I. Fridays.  I'm finally getting over that whole fiasco with the last girl.  This one is someone I used to know from high school.  She's kind of lonely, just needs someone to talk to.  I'm more than happy to oblige.

I don't know what's going to happen.  She's nice and all, she's fun to talk with, she's not unattractive.  Who knows what could happen at the end of the night?  We're just having a fun night, the way two kids should.

Then this happens.



GTFO, whoever you are.  And since when is my date any of your business?  "Hey, bud, date's going great!"

Listen, first you barge in here, taking my date's seat.  And then you're all like, "Hey, your date would want you to eat this.  And this.  Hey, I've got an idea, let's look at the menu together!"

Listen, guy, if I get angry at my own mom whenever she so much as absent-mindedly suggests, "Hey, don't chicken nuggets sound great," why would I give one chicken's derriere what you would want me to eat for dinner?  Who do you think you are, some kinda chef or something?

And then, you're all like, "Show her you like new things."

The hell is that supposed to mean?  I mean, we used to go to high school together, but I barely know this chick.  I don't even think...of her...like that.  She's my freaking rebound girl.  Stuff like...sex...has barely even crossed my mind, and now you're trying to warn me, "Hey, you should try that thing you've never tried before."

And then let's not forget that time you decided to go to dinner with me.  As if that wasn't awkward enough, you ask me what I wanna get, and then you're like, "Don't answer, I know what we're gonna get."

You dick.  Listen, if that line didn't work with your actual girlfriend, it's definitely not gonna work with me.  Especially after you ruined my last date.  C'mon, I barely know you.

Oh, yeah, and have fun with that game show of yours.  How's that going anyway?

Note:  Sure, "My Secret Girlfriend" was terrible, but at least this guy wasn't in it.

A Worthy Cause

Oh, my.  How long has it been since I've posted?

Between work, school, and various personal matters (including TV Tropes), I have been prevented from posting on a regular basis the past week or so.  Ever since they upped my hours and gave me some extra work to do around the office, it seems like I just keep losing track of time.  I'm fast becoming one of those poor, beleaguered "working stiffs."  And all work, no play makes The Brewsky a dull boy.

People have been asking me what I think about the situation in Egypt.  And by people, I mean the one guy I still hang out with on a regular basis, as well as a nice old lady who goes to my church.  And by asking me what I think, I mean they ask something along the lines of, "Have you been watching the news at all?"

I can't say I've been watching the news all that closely.  Whenever I'm around to watch it, I have it on one of the news channels out of some semblance of a mature habit, but I don't watch watch the news, if that's what you're asking.  (Perhaps Fox's strategy isn't entirely beyond the pale.)

In any case, shouldn't our efforts be focused inward?  Despite pleas for a global government, and the immortal call of President Wilson and the U.S. of the twentieth century to reach out and extend to others, our country is fractured, and divided against itself.  And as either President Lincoln or James T. Kirk once said, a house divided against itself cannot stand.  Our own house needs to be attended to before we can worry about anyone else's.

The deficit has ballooned, exploded to the tens of trillions.  Countless Americans are out of work following the financial crisis of 2008 and 2009, with hundreds, if not thousands more, losing their jobs every day.  Unemployment has reached the double digits, and families all over the country are losing hope. 

We have infighting, the result of a two-party system which wishes only to sling mud, while failing to address the problems facing our country.  We have a gilded age where the rich keep getting richer, and the poor keep getting poorer, their jobs shipped overseas and their tax dollars going toward federal bailouts.

Our politicians have done nothing to help.  The Tea Party has been formed in response to deteriorating conditions in this country.  The repercussions of the Bush era and the War on Terror, exacerbated by the current administration and a financial crisis unequaled by any other period in nearly a hundred years, have only served to make things worse.

Americans as a whole are growing dangerously close to a moral, intellectual, and literal bankruptcy, and our way of life cannot be sustained for much longer.  Through a combination of factors such as our education system, our job market, and the actions of the government, we cannot support our own way of life.

Need more proof?  Take a look at some of our nation's finest young women, who have been reduced to attending to our cars in order to make ends meet.

These are Playbunnies.  As in, they work for Playboy.  They are Playboy models.  And they have been reduced to washing cars.

I can't believe it needs to be said, in this country, in this day and age, that models should not be forced to wash cars.





The first thing one notices is the near-absolute lack of clothing.  These fine ladies could have been given professional uniforms for their work, but instead are forced to make do with these bare-bones, two-piece swimsuits, which leave almost nothing to the male imagination.  Only their supposed crew leader is given a uniform, and even she unzips it, possibly as a show of solidarity with her coworkers.

I was surprised by how well-stocked their cleaning station is, though; they seem to have plenty of sponges and cleaning solutions to work with, as well as a steady supply of running water.  So, unlike many car washes, they are seldom forced to use their...er, "human resources" to clean off the car.  Which is good, because the last thing we want to see is them getting completely soaked.

Still, isn't it a shame that these fine Playboy models have been reduced to joining the service industry?

Note:  If you wish to help these young ladies, their phone numbers can be found at this link.  Any support you can give, no matter how small, will be greatly appreciated.

Can You Guess What This "Special" Soldier is Saying?

What the heck is he yelling?

"Live free or die!  AHHHHH!!!"  No, that's not it...

"Live die or free!  AHHHHH!!!"  No, that seems too long...

"Hands on your feet!  AHHHHH!!!"  Seriously, what the heck is he saying?

"We forgot the key!  AHHHHH!!!"

"Read our Tweets!  AHHHHH!!!"

Highest-rated comment?  As you might have guessed, "He must be in 'special' forces."

Which reminds me...

The Great Train Robbery

Okay, it goes without saying that this is just awesome.

Bishnu Shretha, a forty-year-old retired Gorkha soldier in India and presumably an eater of scum like you for breakfast, was on a train which was robbed by, literally, forty thieves.  The robbers were able to stop the train, before entering and demanding the passengers' valuables.

Presumably, Shretha warned them "not to make me angry," but complied with their demands as they pilfered the passengers' pockets.

The criminals then proceeded to strip one eighteen-year-old sitting next to Shretha, preparing to "rape her in front of her parents."  (I feel like if I say that enough times, it'll start to make some warped kind of sense...)  The girl, crying for help, begged our would-be bystander, "You are a soldier, please save a sister."

Recalling the incident, Shretha comments, "I prevented her from being raped, thinking of her as my own sister."

With this, there could be only one outcome.  When it was all send and done, three of them were dead on the spot courtesy of his khukuri, while another eight had been injured and were later taken into custody.  The soldier had injured his hand, but noted, "“They may have feared that more of my army friends were traveling with me and fled after fighting me for around 20 minutes."

Twenty minutes?  And he only lost a hand?

This guy.  Yes.

YouTwits

I can't believe it needs to be said, in this day and age, in this freaking country, that violence against others is a bad, bad thing.  (Especially if it's in honor of those who "kill people and break things" during wartime.)  So of course, when word passed along my extensive line of contacts (re:  the one other guy I hang out with) that a 14-year-old kid had gotten beaten up, you might imagine I had a few choice thoughts.

The victim?  One fourteen-year-old whose name has not been revealed in order to protect him Nadin Khoury, who was assaulted by seven other students near an apartment complex in Upper Darby, a suburb of Philadelphia.  Not to profile the perps, but all of them were part of an alternative school program at Upper Darby High School.  Only two of them had any sort of criminal record (although one of the idiots suspects caught on camera had two previous charges of assault).

I'll spare you the details, since anyone can pull a Google or click on my magic links to read about the incident, but here's a quick breakdown:  They ganged up on him, pinned him down, spent at least a minute (out of the twenty-minute scuffle) kicking him in the chest, stuff him in a tree, and finally hung him by the hood of his jacket from a wrought-iron fence.

In case you're wondering, no, the kid never actually did anything to them.  This was simply bullying at its finest.

The bad news?  Nobody thought to help him.  Nobody was around to call 911.  Well, except for the woman caught on camera who basically looks the other way and walks away from the scene while he's calling for help.  As you can imagine, this was the "bystander effect" at its absolute finest.

The good news?  It was caught on camera.  Because our youngest generation is the brightest generation ever, one of them was standing there with a video camera, taping the whole damn thing, so they could post it online at their convenience and gloat about it to their classmates.  Presumably, this is the latest, hippest e-trend in cyber-bullying, which police all over the world are calling "YouTwit".

Of course, my forte, my raison d'être, is in the comments section for articles such as these, where emotion-driven dialogues and reactionary rhetoric are the name of the game, and yahoos like me can post compelling arguments such as "Fine the Parents $2000.00 each," "I say $10,000 and make them (and their child) do community service," and the classic line, "kids these days need their ass beat."  Because nothing solves violence like more violence.  (Just ask Batman.)

Of course, in situations like these, "Then you have the drugs."  Granted, they might have been a gang, but why does everyone always assume it has to be drugs?

Look, kids like violence.  And kids like being in groups.  Unfortunately, violence is bad.  And, by the transitive property, "groups" ---> "violent gangs".  It's a match made in hell, and trying to solve these problems with strictly punitive measures isn't going to fix anything.

I can only pretend to understand these situations insofar as I'm a violence-loving fourteen-year-old driven by mob mentality.  It's true that parenting plays a role, but let's face it, parents also have to compete with pop culture--specifically, a pop culture which glorifies violence.  I know that's a weak excuse, but I say this as someone who loves TV and movies--especially the violent ones (while being pretty ambivalent around all three of my parents).

You know what the solution to this is?  (Well, besides taking their phones, hanging them from a fence, and seeing how they like it?)  Community service.  Just...community service.  And a written apology to the victim, stating what exactly they did wrong and just how sorry they are.

And if that doesn't work.  They'll go to jail.  Actually, I believe that's how our justice system works.  Except they'd need a third strike anyway.  Which leads me to believe the guy with two assault strikes on his sheet is about to get put away, even if he is only 14 years old.  Frankly, it's been a while since I took those classes on Assault and Battery in the City of Brotherly Love.

Speaking of which, where's Charlie and the gang when you need them?

Note:  Probably dead by now.  Hopefully dead by now...