A Knife to a Gunfight

As you can probably gather from my previous post, I've had a rather...trying weekend.  The anguish of my soul, the pangs of my heart, the trials of coming up with something remotely poetic to reflect my own inner turmoil.

It has been a very difficult weekend, coming face-to-face with the realization that, good a friend as she may be, she simply may not be my one and only, my soulmate, my kindred spirit, the light of my life...

It's a very difficult thing, facing something like that.  Where do I go from here?  Where do I go from her?  How do I move on from something so meaningful, how do I give it up, how do I throw away something so full of life and passion, that everything afterward only seems dead and fruitless?  Who else laughs at my every word, beams at my every gesture, finishes my every sentence?

I say the word "soulmate" knowing that, like so many other words, is constantly, casually tossed around by the soulless, homogenized, Hallmark-driven propagators of that similar, soulless, homogenized word called "love."  I know many of us are de-sensitized to this word, and that word, because those words have been robbed of all meaning.  Knowing all this, though, I also cannot think of any other words to describe her.  She is my soulmate.  She is my love.  All I can think about is her.  I cannot imagine life without her.

Don't get me wrong, though.  We have not thrown that away.  If anything, we have treasured our time together.  The cold, hard reality facing what I have presumed to blaspheme with such words as "soulmate" and "love" is that neither of us is truly ready to live those words.  Neither of us is ready to begin a relationship.  We--or perhaps she--or maybe it's just me--are simply not ready to give ourselves up to one another.  It's a tough pill to swallow--I'm choking on it at the moment--but it's simply the truth.

For those of you who have never gone through that, I do admit to feeling something along the lines of envy, jealousy.  For those of you who have never had your heart torn and broken, I can only wonder endlessly what that used to feel like.  I will not pretend that it is never better to feel that way, to be numb and impervious to this monstrous, damning, consuming word called "love."  For they say, "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." 

If, however, the unthinkable mind behind those words was talking of my kind of love, the kind of infatuation which knows no bounds, that it is better to lose that, to give up...well, not feeling like crap...for that awesome and terrifying sort of burden between two people, all I have to say is one word:

Bullshit.

Coming off the heels of what one might call my little crisis of faith, I find myself in the notable predicament of trying to resume business as usual, which might be the toughest matter of all to attend to.  What could there possibly be going on that could distract me from that little, faith-shattering, heart-rending business of mine with the only woman I've ever loved...



What the hell is this?

For those of you who don't know who Christine O'Donnell is, she is a Biblical activist who, back in that innocent time known as the 90's, campaigned against masturbation  on MTV (back when MTV actually played music), and who confessed that she would have been willing to give up Anne Frank to Hitler (because God doesn't want us to lie).  So what has she done to make up for her disgusting comments...I mean, "youthful transgressions"?

Well, for one, she is the current Tea Party candidate in Delaware, who despite having a reputation as an anti-masturbation activist and a witch, was somehow not beaten in the primaries.

And, despite being a member of the Tea Party and a candidate for the U.S. Senate, she apparently doesn't understand that the Constitution expressly forbids the integration of church and state.  See also the embedded video above, during a debate at a law school, where she displays not only an alarming lack of knowledge concerning the Constitution, but also any knowledge on one of her key issues, namely the separation of church and state on which rested the crux of her argument.

So basically, she comes to a debate expecting to pontificate to an uninformed student body, and instead proceeds to exacerbate her already spiraling political career by showing her blatant anti-intellectualism in front of a disproportionately-informed student body of legal specialists.  (Or, as our good friend Indy might say, she brought a knife to a gunfight...)

Does anyone else remember Fred Thompson, and how he more or less sleepwalked through his own campaign back in 2007?

Oh, yeah, me neither.