Had one last holiday party to go to the other night. I think I can safely say I speak for a lot of people this Christmas when I say it's been a busy holiday season. Unfortunately, I didn't do a whole lot of holiday shopping for Mom and Dad; in fact, neither of my dads got anything from me this year. (Though that's to be expected, considering Mom is probably about to break it off with the new dad, and the other dad...well, I have no clue what happened to him.)
My ex was talking about getting together with a buddy of mine. (As well as myself. And some other friends. I think it was supposed to be a group thing.) As far as I know, that never really happened, considering the ice and the snow and the fact that most of us don't really have good cars anymore. (I tried to start mine the other day, took a couple of tries.) Plus I never really heard from them, so I'm guessing they just called it off.
Since Christmas has finally come and gone, though, I've had some time to myself the past couple of days. Which I spent watching Spike TV. They were showing a "Star Wars" marathon, which I normally shy away from, but it was either that, "Miracle on 34th Street," or the umpteenth showing of "Scrooged" on AMC. So I decided to go with Star Wars. And then changed the channel the moment they decided to show another episode of CSI. Because even my standards only go so low.
Of course, the buddy I saw the other night, who is not ashamed to admit he liked "Cop Out," also isn't too shy about watching Star Wars either. Luckily, we were having a Christmas get-together with some other friends, so it wasn't like I had to sit through twelve hours of Star Wars without food or friends. And luckily, they were showing the original trilogy, from that magical time before Lucas and the geeks he has spawned over the years went completely insane and gave us a Darth Vader not played by James Earl Jones.
About a couple hours into our get-together, he had recorded a couple episodes of Spike's "original" series. So, over the next hour or so, we were re-acquainted with "1000 Ways to Die," which is cheap and laden with relentless blood, gore, and fanservice, but is also one of my guilty pleasures.
It turns out he had also recorded an episode of "Manswers," which I had heard about, oddly enough, from a girl I used to go to school with. Oddly enough, I have never gone out with said girl, who I can only assume is out driving monster trucks when she isn't starting bar fights or fixing roofs.
It turns out "Manswers" is even cheaper than "1000 Ways to Die," and more laden with fanservice. And willing to ask the question, "Can you have sex while skydiving?" I don't know who on earth would need to know that, or who on earth actually has sex when skydiving, and disappointingly enough, they never bothered to elaborate on the implications of that airborne anthrax and whether or not it can affect us mere ground-dwellers. (Spoiler: If you're going to do it, you have to make it really quick, and you have to stop by 2,000 feet.)
They were also willing to ask the question, "What is the most viscous substance?" Again, I'm not sure who would need to know that, beyond the half-naked women they had wrestling in mud, then lubricant, then in coal tar (which is apparently toxic upon prolonged exposure, which made me feel all the worse for wanting to start a coal-tar-wrestling tournament/wet T-shirt contest...).
There's some joke I could probably crack about coal in our stockings, but all I could think about for the next hour or so was, "God, that was hot."
Monday, December 27, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
More For Our Heroes
Well, word on the grape vine is that the James Zadroga 9/11 Health and Compensation Act, meant to provide health benefits to 9/11 rescuers, has finally been passed--and with unanimous support, no less!
"The Christmas miracle we've been looking for has arrived. We [the Democratic Senators who released this message] thank our Republican friends for coming together to fulfill America's moral obligation to the heroes of 9/11." I'm assuming this message was enclosed with a Post-It adding, "Better late than never."
This comes nearly a week after four 9/11 workers appeared on Jon Stewart to remind us that, hey, firemen and policemen and the guy with throat cancer are human beings too and dearly need our help, and Republicans would do well to remember that the next time they pull a political stunt like trying to push the Bush tax cuts.
Some bad news to go with it? The current Senate rangling has reduced the bill from its original allotment of over $7 billion to just $4.3 billion (assuming the word "just" belongs anywhere near a billion-plus-dollar plan). Assuming we're working with, say, maybe 3,000 or 4,000 9/11 workers (an estimate based on my flat-out guessing), and after making some deductions from the stated amount of the bill for establishing some form of logistics and hiring employees to put the bill into action, this still gives each individual worker hundreds of thousands, if not at least a million, in free coverage. The new version of the bill, with some amendments, has been sent back for House approval, and President Obama has given his assurance that he intends to sign it.
Along with the sweet taste of victory, and the revelry of this Christmas miracle on the part of thousands of rescuers and their friends and families, comes a sort of bitter aftertaste at the thought that there was any sort of "fight" to get this bill passed. This time, of course, it was passed with a unanimous Senate vote, but they still had to cut the bill's original proposed budget in nearly half (because when someone risks their lives for others, you can't put a price on screwing them over), and the utter disgust with Senate Republicans and their stalling tactics should go without saying.
The concerns of the Obama administration, as well as those of us who, you know, haven't sold our souls to Dick Cheney yet, become much more apparent once you realize that these monst...er, "Republicans"...are going to be overrunning Congress come January. I'll be honest when I tell you I didn't vote during the midterm elections (somebody has to clean those tables at Applebee's!), but it's hard to believe the liberal media's hype about the GOP being irredeemably evil until they pull a douchebag move such as their "Give Us Tax Breaks Or We'll Kill Your Precious Heroes" gambit, which has been enough to prove to me that there is some level of class warfare, and if we don't fight it, we die. We literally die. Or, at least, somebody somewhere dies.
The concern for 9/11 workers has been just one part of Obama's agenda during this lame-duck session. The New Start Treaty has been approved by Congress, and as far as international peace treaties with allies and former enemies goes, I don't love it, but I don't hate it either. It sounds like a good idea on paper, but we'll see what happens when it's implemented.
More good news for our nation's heroes: Our good friend and patriot, Staff Sergeant Salvatore Giunta, has been cordially invited to join Mayor Bloomberg at the New Year's celebration this year. He will join the mayor in pressing the button that lowers the New Year's ball at Times Square at 11:59:00 (or 23:59:00, for those of us on military time).
Oh, and he is also a fan of Da Bears.
"The Christmas miracle we've been looking for has arrived. We [the Democratic Senators who released this message] thank our Republican friends for coming together to fulfill America's moral obligation to the heroes of 9/11." I'm assuming this message was enclosed with a Post-It adding, "Better late than never."
This comes nearly a week after four 9/11 workers appeared on Jon Stewart to remind us that, hey, firemen and policemen and the guy with throat cancer are human beings too and dearly need our help, and Republicans would do well to remember that the next time they pull a political stunt like trying to push the Bush tax cuts.
Some bad news to go with it? The current Senate rangling has reduced the bill from its original allotment of over $7 billion to just $4.3 billion (assuming the word "just" belongs anywhere near a billion-plus-dollar plan). Assuming we're working with, say, maybe 3,000 or 4,000 9/11 workers (an estimate based on my flat-out guessing), and after making some deductions from the stated amount of the bill for establishing some form of logistics and hiring employees to put the bill into action, this still gives each individual worker hundreds of thousands, if not at least a million, in free coverage. The new version of the bill, with some amendments, has been sent back for House approval, and President Obama has given his assurance that he intends to sign it.
Along with the sweet taste of victory, and the revelry of this Christmas miracle on the part of thousands of rescuers and their friends and families, comes a sort of bitter aftertaste at the thought that there was any sort of "fight" to get this bill passed. This time, of course, it was passed with a unanimous Senate vote, but they still had to cut the bill's original proposed budget in nearly half (because when someone risks their lives for others, you can't put a price on screwing them over), and the utter disgust with Senate Republicans and their stalling tactics should go without saying.
The concerns of the Obama administration, as well as those of us who, you know, haven't sold our souls to Dick Cheney yet, become much more apparent once you realize that these monst...er, "Republicans"...are going to be overrunning Congress come January. I'll be honest when I tell you I didn't vote during the midterm elections (somebody has to clean those tables at Applebee's!), but it's hard to believe the liberal media's hype about the GOP being irredeemably evil until they pull a douchebag move such as their "Give Us Tax Breaks Or We'll Kill Your Precious Heroes" gambit, which has been enough to prove to me that there is some level of class warfare, and if we don't fight it, we die. We literally die. Or, at least, somebody somewhere dies.
The concern for 9/11 workers has been just one part of Obama's agenda during this lame-duck session. The New Start Treaty has been approved by Congress, and as far as international peace treaties with allies and former enemies goes, I don't love it, but I don't hate it either. It sounds like a good idea on paper, but we'll see what happens when it's implemented.
More good news for our nation's heroes: Our good friend and patriot, Staff Sergeant Salvatore Giunta, has been cordially invited to join Mayor Bloomberg at the New Year's celebration this year. He will join the mayor in pressing the button that lowers the New Year's ball at Times Square at 11:59:00 (or 23:59:00, for those of us on military time).
Oh, and he is also a fan of Da Bears.
More COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
There's something genuinely disturbing about this video, but I can't put my finger on it.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Más, Hasta Muerte Háganos Parte
Now, the important thing is not to ask me how exactly I stumbled on this video. Because that probably goes without saying.
Note their subtle use of the "boing" sound effect. As well as a variety of other sound effects that are really out of place.
This, by the way, is the episode where Wonder Woman goes into sportscasting, and ends up having to deal with a deranged stalker. Also, it was the moment Fox News realized their calling.
Note: The opinions represented above do not represent those of Fox News or its affilia...wow, that costume really flatters her. Or the other way around, perhaps.
Note their subtle use of the "boing" sound effect. As well as a variety of other sound effects that are really out of place.
This, by the way, is the episode where Wonder Woman goes into sportscasting, and ends up having to deal with a deranged stalker. Also, it was the moment Fox News realized their calling.
Note: The opinions represented above do not represent those of Fox News or its affilia...wow, that costume really flatters her. Or the other way around, perhaps.
Monday, December 20, 2010
More Pizza
You've all met my very good friend...well, I guess you haven't, although I have discussed him at length before. The same one who enjoys video games, caffeine, and fireworks.
Well, it turns out we both enjoy getting out of town every once in a while. Whether it's for school, business, or just the inevitable social call from some old friends, we just feel like making a road trip every once in a while. And invariably, our stomachs will start growling, because we're growing boys and we need to eat at some point.
I'm broke and all, but broke in the "I can't afford to pick up chicks or maintain any semblance of a long-term relationship" sense, rather than in terms of "living under the bridge in a van down by the river." So when push comes to shove, we'll get hungry, and one of us will suggest Pizza Hut. And the other will concede that Pizza Hut sounds pretty good. Probably not good for us, but it's been a long day and we both just start thinking of the first thing that sounds good.
Now there are probably alternatives available, even if all we're looking for is some good pizza for dinner. Domino's, Godfather's, Papa John's (well, that assumes you have a freezer, I think), Papa Murphy's, Papa Smurf's, Papa Charlie's, Papa Roach, Papa Penguin, Papa Don't Preach, Papa Can You Hear Me, Papa Grows Funk, and the illustrious Pa Kent...all of them serve good old American pizza. (Except DiGiorno's, of course. I think they're French.)
Inevitably, though, we choose Pizza Hut. And all joking aside, their breadsticks have a lot to do with that. I mean, Domino's breadsticks? Don't even get me started on those flaccid, undersized excuses for a meal. And does Godfather's even sell breadsticks?
Unfortunately, our trips out to Pizza Hut just go to show the two great banes of American consumerism: one, it costs money to eat out like that, and second, the pounds just start adding up after a while. We wonder why there's an economic crisis and an obesity epidemic in this country, when the answer is right in front of us. It's the blind, unadulterated purchasing and consumption of the grease-fueled Kryptonite of pizza and breadsticks.
How do you say no to that? Honestly, tell me how you just say no to that. You don't. You just don't. Because there's this dough, cooked to a crispy golden color, with what I can only assume is an edible (and extremely delicious) tomato sauce liberally lathered on (although the Pizza Huts I've been going to have been more stingy with the sauce lately). And they put this nice, melted mozarella cheese on it...
What you need to understand is that not all melted cheeses are created equal. Only the mozarella is anywhere near edible when it's been cooked. The rest are dead to me. That cheese you dip your nachos and pretzels into? No thank you, sir, get that off my coffee table (or at least the old book bag I use as a "coffee table") and get out of my Super Bowl Party.
This cheese is put on top of the pizza, as well as within the crust. And there is much rejoicing when you can eat such a pizza. In fact, I believe God made this some time during those first six days, just before he made man. (Although a friend of mine postulates that man, in fact, made cheese.)
Now, the pepperoni is window dressing as far as I'm concerned, and any other toppings are simply out of the question. So when my friend suggests pepperoni with stuffed crust, we eat and are merry. (Not necessarily in that order.)
Now, all of these things would be just fine and dandy, but the icing on the pizza pie is cold and carbonated. A tall glass of Pepsi, possibly Coke, maybe Mountain Dew, to wash all this hot food down. You could get water, but what's the point.
Pizza Hut's plan is fool-proof for luring in fools like us. McDonald's? Don't get me started. Arby's? Please? Sonic? Yeah, we'll have a waitress on skates hand us this stuff. Within five minutes. Sure, that just sounds great.
There's also a third bane to the existence of these two noble college students, as well as many others like us. Simply put, this is the damage that ten breadsticks and a large stuffed-crust pizza shared between two or three guys can wreak on their stomachs. As Homer Simpson once said, "I can eat anything I want, only future-me has to deal with that! I'd hate to be that guy!"
But karma is cruel, and comes back with stomach pains and a slight feeling of nausea. Maybe more than that, if you've managed to make it past a whole large pizza without stopping. You can still taste it some hours later, possibly a day later. And while it tastes good going down, it definitely doesn't go down without a fight.
And once you've slept it off, you mean to get out of bed, and God forbid, perhaps go out for a walk. But then someone calls. Or maybe texts. Or maybe you have to check on Facebook or something. In fact, any of those things will lead to Facebook. And then, before you know it, you have to go into work, or head to class, or have another dinner with your family or something like that. And before you know it, the inertia has built up, and any outside force besides the need for pizza fails to act.
And, as Newton said, any object in motion (or at rest) will remain so unless acted upon by an outside force. Einstein, for all his work and his understanding of the mechanics of the universe, never had to deal with the outside force of Pizza Hut.
Don't worry, our best scientists are all over it. Once they get done eating at KFC, of course.
Well, it turns out we both enjoy getting out of town every once in a while. Whether it's for school, business, or just the inevitable social call from some old friends, we just feel like making a road trip every once in a while. And invariably, our stomachs will start growling, because we're growing boys and we need to eat at some point.
I'm broke and all, but broke in the "I can't afford to pick up chicks or maintain any semblance of a long-term relationship" sense, rather than in terms of "living under the bridge in a van down by the river." So when push comes to shove, we'll get hungry, and one of us will suggest Pizza Hut. And the other will concede that Pizza Hut sounds pretty good. Probably not good for us, but it's been a long day and we both just start thinking of the first thing that sounds good.
Now there are probably alternatives available, even if all we're looking for is some good pizza for dinner. Domino's, Godfather's, Papa John's (well, that assumes you have a freezer, I think), Papa Murphy's, Papa Smurf's, Papa Charlie's, Papa Roach, Papa Penguin, Papa Don't Preach, Papa Can You Hear Me, Papa Grows Funk, and the illustrious Pa Kent...all of them serve good old American pizza. (Except DiGiorno's, of course. I think they're French.)
Inevitably, though, we choose Pizza Hut. And all joking aside, their breadsticks have a lot to do with that. I mean, Domino's breadsticks? Don't even get me started on those flaccid, undersized excuses for a meal. And does Godfather's even sell breadsticks?
Unfortunately, our trips out to Pizza Hut just go to show the two great banes of American consumerism: one, it costs money to eat out like that, and second, the pounds just start adding up after a while. We wonder why there's an economic crisis and an obesity epidemic in this country, when the answer is right in front of us. It's the blind, unadulterated purchasing and consumption of the grease-fueled Kryptonite of pizza and breadsticks.
How do you say no to that? Honestly, tell me how you just say no to that. You don't. You just don't. Because there's this dough, cooked to a crispy golden color, with what I can only assume is an edible (and extremely delicious) tomato sauce liberally lathered on (although the Pizza Huts I've been going to have been more stingy with the sauce lately). And they put this nice, melted mozarella cheese on it...
What you need to understand is that not all melted cheeses are created equal. Only the mozarella is anywhere near edible when it's been cooked. The rest are dead to me. That cheese you dip your nachos and pretzels into? No thank you, sir, get that off my coffee table (or at least the old book bag I use as a "coffee table") and get out of my Super Bowl Party.
This cheese is put on top of the pizza, as well as within the crust. And there is much rejoicing when you can eat such a pizza. In fact, I believe God made this some time during those first six days, just before he made man. (Although a friend of mine postulates that man, in fact, made cheese.)
Now, the pepperoni is window dressing as far as I'm concerned, and any other toppings are simply out of the question. So when my friend suggests pepperoni with stuffed crust, we eat and are merry. (Not necessarily in that order.)
Now, all of these things would be just fine and dandy, but the icing on the pizza pie is cold and carbonated. A tall glass of Pepsi, possibly Coke, maybe Mountain Dew, to wash all this hot food down. You could get water, but what's the point.
Pizza Hut's plan is fool-proof for luring in fools like us. McDonald's? Don't get me started. Arby's? Please? Sonic? Yeah, we'll have a waitress on skates hand us this stuff. Within five minutes. Sure, that just sounds great.
There's also a third bane to the existence of these two noble college students, as well as many others like us. Simply put, this is the damage that ten breadsticks and a large stuffed-crust pizza shared between two or three guys can wreak on their stomachs. As Homer Simpson once said, "I can eat anything I want, only future-me has to deal with that! I'd hate to be that guy!"
But karma is cruel, and comes back with stomach pains and a slight feeling of nausea. Maybe more than that, if you've managed to make it past a whole large pizza without stopping. You can still taste it some hours later, possibly a day later. And while it tastes good going down, it definitely doesn't go down without a fight.
And once you've slept it off, you mean to get out of bed, and God forbid, perhaps go out for a walk. But then someone calls. Or maybe texts. Or maybe you have to check on Facebook or something. In fact, any of those things will lead to Facebook. And then, before you know it, you have to go into work, or head to class, or have another dinner with your family or something like that. And before you know it, the inertia has built up, and any outside force besides the need for pizza fails to act.
And, as Newton said, any object in motion (or at rest) will remain so unless acted upon by an outside force. Einstein, for all his work and his understanding of the mechanics of the universe, never had to deal with the outside force of Pizza Hut.
Don't worry, our best scientists are all over it. Once they get done eating at KFC, of course.
Friday, December 17, 2010
More Fire Bad. (Very. Very. Bad.)
Continuing my general rant against the clusterfuck that is the holiday season (as well as my recycling of titles from previous posts), I regret to admit that I didn't manage to catch the Daily Show last night--since I'm still on school time, and I was up late the night before so my ability to "wake up" was a bit compromised.
So, of course, it was just after I'd woke up this morning when I finally managed to catch his interview with four of New York's finest.
It's an eye opener, frankly, for those of us...who happen to get our news from America's number-one trusted fake newsman...to find out the plight of those 9/11 rescuers who are in need of health care.
The bill in question, formerly called the James Zadroga 9/11 Health and Compensation Act, would provide $7.4 billion in free aid and medical care to rescue workers who have suffered from health problems as a result of the attack on the World Trade Center. However, following its maiden voyage from the House, it has drowned in a sea of Senate filibusters.
The filibusters, if Google magic is to be believed, have been driven by a pact between Senate Republicans, who have signed an agreement not to support any other legislation until the long-awaited issue of the Bush tax cuts has been approved. Apparently, this includes refusing health care to 9/11 workers and rescuers.
Republican Senators have vowed to resolve the tax cut issue following the New Year, saying that it would be disrespectful to Christians and the spirit of Christmas to spend the holiday week between. Stewart, as you might imagine, took issue with our elected representatives deciding to twiddle their thumbs while our finest Americans are left to fend for themselves with ailments such as...let's see...brain cancer, throat cancer, heart disease, lung disease, back problems, cancer of the lymph nodes (which may or may not be synonymous with throat cancer)...and this was just between the four guys who were in good enough shape to show up on the Daily Show.
Stewart also lambasted the mainstream media for not covering what, in so many words, is basically a moral travesty of the highest magnitude. Taking matters into his own hands, and making up for the lost time of the entire press (save Al-Ja-freaking-zeera), he invited four 9/11 responders to discuss the situation with him and a nationwide audience.
There's also a sense of a disconnect between the politicians and the 9/11 workers, as evidenced by Senator Mitch McConnell giving a tear-filled speech for...this buddy of his who's retiring. Jim Bunning, a baseball player who went on to politics, and who apparently dressed up one time. To be fair, he sounds like a much more forceful and dynamic personality than, say, the men and women who rescued people from a hundred-story burning building.
And, as I Google John Kyl (the guy who doesn't want to go in to work during the week after Christmas), it kills me...kills me inside...that the only result I see that's remotely related to his refusal to resolve the filibuster over Christmas is...well, this.
Now I could rant and rave about this all day, but the fact of the matter is that the audience for my blog is negligible at best. I plan on Facebooking it, and I plan on Tweeting it, and dear God I might even MySpace it, but the first thing I plan on doing is showing this video to my mom. Because people need to know about this. For God's sake, people need to know about it.
So, of course, it was just after I'd woke up this morning when I finally managed to catch his interview with four of New York's finest.
It's an eye opener, frankly, for those of us...who happen to get our news from America's number-one trusted fake newsman...to find out the plight of those 9/11 rescuers who are in need of health care.
The bill in question, formerly called the James Zadroga 9/11 Health and Compensation Act, would provide $7.4 billion in free aid and medical care to rescue workers who have suffered from health problems as a result of the attack on the World Trade Center. However, following its maiden voyage from the House, it has drowned in a sea of Senate filibusters.
The filibusters, if Google magic is to be believed, have been driven by a pact between Senate Republicans, who have signed an agreement not to support any other legislation until the long-awaited issue of the Bush tax cuts has been approved. Apparently, this includes refusing health care to 9/11 workers and rescuers.
Republican Senators have vowed to resolve the tax cut issue following the New Year, saying that it would be disrespectful to Christians and the spirit of Christmas to spend the holiday week between. Stewart, as you might imagine, took issue with our elected representatives deciding to twiddle their thumbs while our finest Americans are left to fend for themselves with ailments such as...let's see...brain cancer, throat cancer, heart disease, lung disease, back problems, cancer of the lymph nodes (which may or may not be synonymous with throat cancer)...and this was just between the four guys who were in good enough shape to show up on the Daily Show.
Stewart also lambasted the mainstream media for not covering what, in so many words, is basically a moral travesty of the highest magnitude. Taking matters into his own hands, and making up for the lost time of the entire press (save Al-Ja-freaking-zeera), he invited four 9/11 responders to discuss the situation with him and a nationwide audience.
There's also a sense of a disconnect between the politicians and the 9/11 workers, as evidenced by Senator Mitch McConnell giving a tear-filled speech for...this buddy of his who's retiring. Jim Bunning, a baseball player who went on to politics, and who apparently dressed up one time. To be fair, he sounds like a much more forceful and dynamic personality than, say, the men and women who rescued people from a hundred-story burning building.
And, as I Google John Kyl (the guy who doesn't want to go in to work during the week after Christmas), it kills me...kills me inside...that the only result I see that's remotely related to his refusal to resolve the filibuster over Christmas is...well, this.
Now I could rant and rave about this all day, but the fact of the matter is that the audience for my blog is negligible at best. I plan on Facebooking it, and I plan on Tweeting it, and dear God I might even MySpace it, but the first thing I plan on doing is showing this video to my mom. Because people need to know about this. For God's sake, people need to know about it.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
More of the Simple Things
First of all, is there anything more grandiose than a "war on Christmas"? And why is there still a "war on Christmas"?
I don't know how this business of semantic nonsense (which is, by definition, an oxymoron) all started, but I honestly don't believe there is any sort of war on Christmas. I believe there is a war on "Happy Holidays," or a war on "non-denominational fun," or a war on "Chrismahanukwanzakah." But there is no war on Christmas.
Jon Stewart, one of my personal heroes, advocates the 95% of Americans who just want to be left alone and couldn't care less about the hype that is Christmas. But don't take my word for it. Just take a yuletide look at DefendChristmas.com, whose author or authors have a few choice words on the matter.
Thank you, thank you so much. That is exactly the kind of clear, level-headed thinking...
"Have you encountered a 'Grinch' this Christmas season? Share your experiences here at GrinchAlert.com! Here, you can nominate businesses and organizations that shut-out expressions of Christmas in their interactions with the public via marketing, advertising and public relations. When companies use misplaced political correctness to halt the celebration of Christmas, they belong on the 'Naughty List.'”
Yes, believe it or not, the First Baptist Church of Dallas has actually set up a site where people can nominate local businesses for the "naughty" or "nice" list based on whether or not they honor the Christ in Christmas. A few choice examples come to my attention as I read through the list:
--American Airlines: "Excessive use of 'holiday', no mention of Christmas. With a name like American Airlines, come on."
Yes, of course. Because no honest American would say "happy holidays."
Best Buy (Minneapolis): "Best Buy is boldly using 'Christmas' rather than seasons greatings, happy holidays, etc. in their advertising this year They are referring to tech support; but their Christmas advertising slogan this year is 'Who's supporting Christmas?' "
Oh, gee, thank God their tech support guys are supporting the holiday spirit. That just puts me at ease.
*Edit: Yes, I realize I said "holiday spirit" instead of "Christmas spirit." I'm not changing it. Because Christmas is a holiday, and many people refer to it as "the holiday" without really thinking about it. By supporting the holiday spirit, the wonderful tech support at Best Buy are also supporting the Christmas spirit. "Holidays" and "Christmas" are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah. I just blew your minds, didn't I?
--Target (probably everywhere): "I was looking for an ornament that reflected the reason for the season, and I could not find anything that said Merry Christmas. I'm tired of seeing ONLY snowmen, Santa Clauses, snowflakes, birds, glitter, ect."
Yes. That doesn't have anything at all to do with Christmas. They ONLY had snowmen, Santa Clauses, snowflakes, birds, glitter, garland, greenery, Christmas lights, a little nutcracker...
Oh, and bonus points for misspelling "et cetera." And generalizing for the entire chain based on what I can only assume was one Target location.
--Sears/Kmart (Grand Junction, Colorado): "Say Happy Holidays while selling Christmas trees."
Yes. This, of all examples, was on the "naughty list."
They're selling Christmas trees. They're selling. CHRISTMAS trees! How much more can you honor the "Christmas spirit" than that?! That's like accusing some pastor who works at the homeless shelter of not honoring Christ just because he says "Goodbye" every night instead of "God be with you, Amen." It's just nitpicking, and missing the point entirely. God gives you points for helping people feel better, not for name-dropping his One and Only Son.
--Nordstrom's: "Nordstrom's policy is to say 'Happy Holidays' and not 'Merry Christmas'."
Oh, gee, I bet that just destroys Nordstrom's customer base. They seem like the kind of people who would get behind an issue like this.
--Macy's (Dallas, Texas): "Employees would only respond with 'you too' instead of Merry Christmas."
Because, like many people, the good folks you see at Macy's have had a long, long day, and they are very, very tired. Customer service only goes so far, and they can only be so sensitive to your apparently compulsive need to hear the word "Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays." Or, "You too." Or, "Have a safe trip home."
Now, one could argue that those nasty, nasty people in our day-to-day lives who refuse to wish their fellow Americans a merry Christmas lack empathy. This is to be expected. Because while Christmas is fine and all, there are several problems with this.
First of all, there are other faiths, with other holidays to celebrate, and while we may not necessarily share their beliefs or holidays or their need for eight candles for eight nights, we still have to respect those beliefs. Which means the "persecuted minority" that is the Christian community will only get so much empathy out of us while they buy nice things for their pretty little white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant children.
The next thing to remember is that, of course, 95% of the people you run across in customer service don't really care one way or the other. If the difference between "happy holidays" and "Merry Christmas" is a memo from corporate, of course they're going to want to keep their job. So if you really, really, really have a problem with their salutation and their choice of holiday marketing, take it up with their manager. Then take it up with their manager. And just go up that chain of command, until you're haranguing the CEO of Best Buy or Target. And chances are, they'll tell you marketing did some studies, and so you take your little war to them...
Of course, the fact of the matter is that haranguing people over the war on Christmas will only get you so far. The holidays are a busy time of year, and we have better things to do than worry about your professed faith, political correctness or faith in your god (or gods) be damned.
You want to know what I think? Personally, I can't stand Christmas. Or, not necessarily Christmas per se, but simply the sheer business and materialism and needless work and carols and decorating and over-saturation of holiday specials and the ice cold weather associated with the holiday season, with more wasted money, higher suicide rates, and a statistically more significant number of icy roads than any other time of year. Whoever wins this little "war" gets to be associated with that. So, in honor of whoever wins, yay for you. Ra-freaking-shish-koom-ba.
So you know what I say? Take the Christ out of Christmas. Why on earth would Jesus want to be associated with this clusterfuck of a holiday? Why is the pursuit of candy canes, Christmas trees, and buying out our loved ones with nice gifts really so sacred that the name of our Lord and Savior needs to be plastered all over it?
Jesus isn't in Best Buy, or Target, or any of those stores. Whenever you give of yourself to others, Jesus is there. He doesn't need a holiday to do that. And the sooner we come to understand that, the better.
I don't know how this business of semantic nonsense (which is, by definition, an oxymoron) all started, but I honestly don't believe there is any sort of war on Christmas. I believe there is a war on "Happy Holidays," or a war on "non-denominational fun," or a war on "Chrismahanukwanzakah." But there is no war on Christmas.
Jon Stewart, one of my personal heroes, advocates the 95% of Americans who just want to be left alone and couldn't care less about the hype that is Christmas. But don't take my word for it. Just take a yuletide look at DefendChristmas.com, whose author or authors have a few choice words on the matter.
"Media warriors divide the ranks of those on two sides: those who gleefully view public Christmas observance as a right versus those who glumly view Christmas as a state-imposed endorsement of religious worship. The buzz they create touches nearly every part of an otherwise festive season filled with light, color and music."
"There are heated arguments over the need for public funding for Christmas lights. Many nearly come to blows debating the mere use of the word “Christmas” in schools and at public events. Long-winded television commentators warn incessantly of “Christmas under attack” while politicians drone on about the separation of church and state. Retailers and their customers haggle over the use of the phrase “Merry Christmas”. Scholars debate over the pagan origins of modern Christmas celebrations while Christian “fundamentalists” denounce efforts to remove the mention of Christ from any holiday event. Every Christmas season seems to elevate the debate to a new level of absurdity."
"We believe both sides of the debate are wrong. We believe the media is woefully irresponsible in fanning the flames of controversy. We believe in the 95% Sentiment: most of us like to keep Christmas and we don’t think there are many people offended by it."
"There are heated arguments over the need for public funding for Christmas lights. Many nearly come to blows debating the mere use of the word “Christmas” in schools and at public events. Long-winded television commentators warn incessantly of “Christmas under attack” while politicians drone on about the separation of church and state. Retailers and their customers haggle over the use of the phrase “Merry Christmas”. Scholars debate over the pagan origins of modern Christmas celebrations while Christian “fundamentalists” denounce efforts to remove the mention of Christ from any holiday event. Every Christmas season seems to elevate the debate to a new level of absurdity."
"We believe both sides of the debate are wrong. We believe the media is woefully irresponsible in fanning the flames of controversy. We believe in the 95% Sentiment: most of us like to keep Christmas and we don’t think there are many people offended by it."
Thank you, thank you so much. That is exactly the kind of clear, level-headed thinking...
"Have you encountered a 'Grinch' this Christmas season? Share your experiences here at GrinchAlert.com! Here, you can nominate businesses and organizations that shut-out expressions of Christmas in their interactions with the public via marketing, advertising and public relations. When companies use misplaced political correctness to halt the celebration of Christmas, they belong on the 'Naughty List.'”
Yes, believe it or not, the First Baptist Church of Dallas has actually set up a site where people can nominate local businesses for the "naughty" or "nice" list based on whether or not they honor the Christ in Christmas. A few choice examples come to my attention as I read through the list:
--American Airlines: "Excessive use of 'holiday', no mention of Christmas. With a name like American Airlines, come on."
Yes, of course. Because no honest American would say "happy holidays."
Best Buy (Minneapolis): "Best Buy is boldly using 'Christmas' rather than seasons greatings, happy holidays, etc. in their advertising this year They are referring to tech support; but their Christmas advertising slogan this year is 'Who's supporting Christmas?' "
Oh, gee, thank God their tech support guys are supporting the holiday spirit. That just puts me at ease.
*Edit: Yes, I realize I said "holiday spirit" instead of "Christmas spirit." I'm not changing it. Because Christmas is a holiday, and many people refer to it as "the holiday" without really thinking about it. By supporting the holiday spirit, the wonderful tech support at Best Buy are also supporting the Christmas spirit. "Holidays" and "Christmas" are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah. I just blew your minds, didn't I?
--Target (probably everywhere): "I was looking for an ornament that reflected the reason for the season, and I could not find anything that said Merry Christmas. I'm tired of seeing ONLY snowmen, Santa Clauses, snowflakes, birds, glitter, ect."
Yes. That doesn't have anything at all to do with Christmas. They ONLY had snowmen, Santa Clauses, snowflakes, birds, glitter, garland, greenery, Christmas lights, a little nutcracker...
Oh, and bonus points for misspelling "et cetera." And generalizing for the entire chain based on what I can only assume was one Target location.
--Sears/Kmart (Grand Junction, Colorado): "Say Happy Holidays while selling Christmas trees."
Yes. This, of all examples, was on the "naughty list."
They're selling Christmas trees. They're selling. CHRISTMAS trees! How much more can you honor the "Christmas spirit" than that?! That's like accusing some pastor who works at the homeless shelter of not honoring Christ just because he says "Goodbye" every night instead of "God be with you, Amen." It's just nitpicking, and missing the point entirely. God gives you points for helping people feel better, not for name-dropping his One and Only Son.
--Nordstrom's: "Nordstrom's policy is to say 'Happy Holidays' and not 'Merry Christmas'."
Oh, gee, I bet that just destroys Nordstrom's customer base. They seem like the kind of people who would get behind an issue like this.
--Macy's (Dallas, Texas): "Employees would only respond with 'you too' instead of Merry Christmas."
Because, like many people, the good folks you see at Macy's have had a long, long day, and they are very, very tired. Customer service only goes so far, and they can only be so sensitive to your apparently compulsive need to hear the word "Christmas" instead of "Happy Holidays." Or, "You too." Or, "Have a safe trip home."
Now, one could argue that those nasty, nasty people in our day-to-day lives who refuse to wish their fellow Americans a merry Christmas lack empathy. This is to be expected. Because while Christmas is fine and all, there are several problems with this.
First of all, there are other faiths, with other holidays to celebrate, and while we may not necessarily share their beliefs or holidays or their need for eight candles for eight nights, we still have to respect those beliefs. Which means the "persecuted minority" that is the Christian community will only get so much empathy out of us while they buy nice things for their pretty little white, Anglo-Saxon Protestant children.
The next thing to remember is that, of course, 95% of the people you run across in customer service don't really care one way or the other. If the difference between "happy holidays" and "Merry Christmas" is a memo from corporate, of course they're going to want to keep their job. So if you really, really, really have a problem with their salutation and their choice of holiday marketing, take it up with their manager. Then take it up with their manager. And just go up that chain of command, until you're haranguing the CEO of Best Buy or Target. And chances are, they'll tell you marketing did some studies, and so you take your little war to them...
Of course, the fact of the matter is that haranguing people over the war on Christmas will only get you so far. The holidays are a busy time of year, and we have better things to do than worry about your professed faith, political correctness or faith in your god (or gods) be damned.
You want to know what I think? Personally, I can't stand Christmas. Or, not necessarily Christmas per se, but simply the sheer business and materialism and needless work and carols and decorating and over-saturation of holiday specials and the ice cold weather associated with the holiday season, with more wasted money, higher suicide rates, and a statistically more significant number of icy roads than any other time of year. Whoever wins this little "war" gets to be associated with that. So, in honor of whoever wins, yay for you. Ra-freaking-shish-koom-ba.
So you know what I say? Take the Christ out of Christmas. Why on earth would Jesus want to be associated with this clusterfuck of a holiday? Why is the pursuit of candy canes, Christmas trees, and buying out our loved ones with nice gifts really so sacred that the name of our Lord and Savior needs to be plastered all over it?
Jesus isn't in Best Buy, or Target, or any of those stores. Whenever you give of yourself to others, Jesus is there. He doesn't need a holiday to do that. And the sooner we come to understand that, the better.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
More Corpse Carnage
Damn you, Tim Allen, and your love affair with cars. I liked you better when you were building elaborate Man's [Insert Household Room Here] and grills that could sh...
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there. I'm just here at my computer, wasting time until I have to go to a Christmas party with some good friends of mine. (Well, one of them's a good friend, the others are mostly acquaintances, one of them I kind of know from class.)
Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there. I'm just here at my computer, wasting time until I have to go to a Christmas party with some good friends of mine. (Well, one of them's a good friend, the others are mostly acquaintances, one of them I kind of know from class.)
The IRL buddy of mine--the same one who reads out loud and apparently likes playing "Corpse Carnage"--recently re-introduced me to Metalocalypse. I've only seen a few episodes, but I'd be tempted to do a Brewhaha review just from what I've seen. (Maybe once the holidays have passed...)
For those of you who have never heard of it, a quick summary: Metalocalypse is an Adult Swim cartoon based on Dethklok, which may or may not be based on an actual death metal band. The premise of the show is this cartoonishly-influential death metal band gaining hordes of fans the world over, becoming rich, becoming a world power, and basically wreaking havoc and more-or-less moving the world closer to apocalypse.
No, they're not trying to start the apocalypse. They're just idiots. The SpongeBob Squarepants of anti-Christs, if you will.
So, while a season or two of Metalocalypse waits patiently on my Christmas list this year, I decided to do a quick journey into the depths of Google to see what I could find out about death/tech/DARKER AND EDGIER metal.
And lo and behold, I discovered some DARKER AND EDGIER bands.
The first video I came across (since YouTube audio gets past the radar a lot easier than any full-fledged videos, and is much easier to get a hold of and play anyway) was a fan retrospective on the "technicals" of death metal. Seems like a good jumping off point to get into the intimidating world of death metal.
I also, as always, consulted the all-knowing Google on death metal, and soon came across Cannibal Corpse, a death metal band that was apparently formed at the turn of the 80's/90's. Going from there, I journeyed on to YouTube to see what I could find, and managed to dreg up one or two or twenty videos of theirs. Yes, apparently this band has done more than one video. Or, for that matter, more than no videos at all...
Whenever I go into YouTube, I get an ad from Tim Allen promising us a car that "can plug into any socket." Of course, I tune these ads out, but based on good old Tim Taylor's voice-over, they're trying to sell us a car that, while not extremely picky when it comes to matters of where it gets its juice from, is still emphaticallythe man's THE MAN'S CAR!
As you watch this three-minute symphony of metal, though, note the various touches of these seasoned, veteran musicians, including the clockwise positioning of their guitars, as well as their extremely well-choreographed head-banging, and the Victorian-esque vocals as the long-haired metal connoisseur with the mic deftly reminds us of the DEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATHHH WAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-chorus.
For those of you who have never heard of it, a quick summary: Metalocalypse is an Adult Swim cartoon based on Dethklok, which may or may not be based on an actual death metal band. The premise of the show is this cartoonishly-influential death metal band gaining hordes of fans the world over, becoming rich, becoming a world power, and basically wreaking havoc and more-or-less moving the world closer to apocalypse.
No, they're not trying to start the apocalypse. They're just idiots. The SpongeBob Squarepants of anti-Christs, if you will.
So, while a season or two of Metalocalypse waits patiently on my Christmas list this year, I decided to do a quick journey into the depths of Google to see what I could find out about death/tech/DARKER AND EDGIER metal.
And lo and behold, I discovered some DARKER AND EDGIER bands.
The first video I came across (since YouTube audio gets past the radar a lot easier than any full-fledged videos, and is much easier to get a hold of and play anyway) was a fan retrospective on the "technicals" of death metal. Seems like a good jumping off point to get into the intimidating world of death metal.
I also, as always, consulted the all-knowing Google on death metal, and soon came across Cannibal Corpse, a death metal band that was apparently formed at the turn of the 80's/90's. Going from there, I journeyed on to YouTube to see what I could find, and managed to dreg up one or two or twenty videos of theirs. Yes, apparently this band has done more than one video. Or, for that matter, more than no videos at all...
Whenever I go into YouTube, I get an ad from Tim Allen promising us a car that "can plug into any socket." Of course, I tune these ads out, but based on good old Tim Taylor's voice-over, they're trying to sell us a car that, while not extremely picky when it comes to matters of where it gets its juice from, is still emphatically
As you watch this three-minute symphony of metal, though, note the various touches of these seasoned, veteran musicians, including the clockwise positioning of their guitars, as well as their extremely well-choreographed head-banging, and the Victorian-esque vocals as the long-haired metal connoisseur with the mic deftly reminds us of the DEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATHHH WAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-chorus.
Not to mention being able to inject a level of pathos into what is apparently the beginnings of a zombie apocalypse.
I've also come across a band called Brain Drill numerous times, which I don't really feel like linking to right now, since I've got to leave five minutes ago. But before I leave you, I will give you a band called Fleshgod Apocalypse.
Spoiler: That piano doesn't last very long.
I've also come across a band called Brain Drill numerous times, which I don't really feel like linking to right now, since I've got to leave five minutes ago. But before I leave you, I will give you a band called Fleshgod Apocalypse.
Spoiler: That piano doesn't last very long.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
More Accentuating the Negative
For those of you who have dealt with difficult college professors, you might not be surprised that I'm revisiting this topic. For those of you who have dealt with needlessly difficult college professors, let me just say, I envy you. I envy you so much.
Luckily, most liberal arts schools tend to frown on a professor deducting points from a student's assignment for expressing a point which the former may disagree with. Plus, my commentary on the status of Sony was an informed decision on my part, and so informed by a lengthy and exhaustive period of research on the company. So, in this instance, in this particular Level 1 course, it would have been ill-advised for him to deduct points for that.
But he finds a way. He always finds a way.
Based on your familiarity with Sony products, what business strategy do you recommend that Stringer employ to help Sony accelerate its business progress?
This was my answer:
While Sony has had considerable success with TV's, VCR's, and other entertainment devices, they have also had difficulty staying ahead of the competition, failing to capitalize on the market for portable devices. With their market dominated by competitors, Sony simply needs to move away from their "traditional" products and more toward innovative, cutting-edge electronics.
Not a bad answer. Perhaps some over-generalizations, but then again I'm not "familiar" with Sony products, and anyway this was one of several essay questions, and one of five classes I had to worry about anyway.
This was my professor's response:
While Sony has had considerable success with TV's, VCR's, and other entertainment devices,they it have also had difficulty staying ahead of the competition, failing to capitalize on the market for portable devices. With their its market dominated by competitors, Sony simply needs to move away from their its "traditional" products and more toward innovative, cutting-edge electronics.
Why? Why on Earth was that necessary?
Exactly what is the proper pronoun for a corporate entity? And how was I supposed to know that the good folks in charge of Sony should be addressed as "it" instead of "they"?
How is it that I can Google endlessly and yet not find one instance of a corporation being referred to by anything other than its proper title? No "its," "theirs," "theys," "he's," "she's," nothing! What precedent is there for something like this?
I understand that a corporation is an entity distinct and separate from its owners. But what about hives? What about armies? What about families? Aren't these entities made up of people as well? And don't we refer to a hive of bees as "they"? Don't we call an army ten thousand strong "they"? Isn't a family of five "they"?
So, Professor, what exactly is the difference between the deadbeat dad, the stay-at-home mom, and their octuplets being referred to as "they", and the corporation of hundreds, possibly thousands, if not tens of thousand, being referred to as "they"? If it is made up of a large number of people acting to accomplish a specific goal, shouldn't they be called..."they"? What part of my logic is off, and what part of your logic makes sense at all?
Even if we go strictly by the term "group," isn't that group made up of at least several people, and don't we refer to this group of people as "they"? They, they, they, THEY?
So, what may I ask is the difference between calling any old group "they" and calling a corporation "they"?
Note: They, they, they, they they theydhtey they ehty tehyt theyt theyt thety tghey theyt theyt theytheythtey THEYTHEYTHETYTHEYTHETY THEYTHEYTHEYTHEY!
Luckily, most liberal arts schools tend to frown on a professor deducting points from a student's assignment for expressing a point which the former may disagree with. Plus, my commentary on the status of Sony was an informed decision on my part, and so informed by a lengthy and exhaustive period of research on the company. So, in this instance, in this particular Level 1 course, it would have been ill-advised for him to deduct points for that.
But he finds a way. He always finds a way.
Based on your familiarity with Sony products, what business strategy do you recommend that Stringer employ to help Sony accelerate its business progress?
This was my answer:
While Sony has had considerable success with TV's, VCR's, and other entertainment devices, they have also had difficulty staying ahead of the competition, failing to capitalize on the market for portable devices. With their market dominated by competitors, Sony simply needs to move away from their "traditional" products and more toward innovative, cutting-edge electronics.
Not a bad answer. Perhaps some over-generalizations, but then again I'm not "familiar" with Sony products, and anyway this was one of several essay questions, and one of five classes I had to worry about anyway.
This was my professor's response:
While Sony has had considerable success with TV's, VCR's, and other entertainment devices,
Why? Why on Earth was that necessary?
Exactly what is the proper pronoun for a corporate entity? And how was I supposed to know that the good folks in charge of Sony should be addressed as "it" instead of "they"?
How is it that I can Google endlessly and yet not find one instance of a corporation being referred to by anything other than its proper title? No "its," "theirs," "theys," "he's," "she's," nothing! What precedent is there for something like this?
I understand that a corporation is an entity distinct and separate from its owners. But what about hives? What about armies? What about families? Aren't these entities made up of people as well? And don't we refer to a hive of bees as "they"? Don't we call an army ten thousand strong "they"? Isn't a family of five "they"?
So, Professor, what exactly is the difference between the deadbeat dad, the stay-at-home mom, and their octuplets being referred to as "they", and the corporation of hundreds, possibly thousands, if not tens of thousand, being referred to as "they"? If it is made up of a large number of people acting to accomplish a specific goal, shouldn't they be called..."they"? What part of my logic is off, and what part of your logic makes sense at all?
Even if we go strictly by the term "group," isn't that group made up of at least several people, and don't we refer to this group of people as "they"? They, they, they, THEY?
So, what may I ask is the difference between calling any old group "they" and calling a corporation "they"?
Note: They, they, they, they they theydhtey they ehty tehyt theyt theyt thety tghey theyt theyt theytheythtey THEYTHEYTHETYTHEYTHETY THEYTHEYTHEYTHEY!
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
More Cannon Fodder
If al-Qaeda or any other terrorist sumbsobitches are watching this, keep one thing in mind...
This is what two of our knuckleheads will do to your weapons. We will fire them off. Prematurely.
(Don't worry, he's just fine. He sings in a choir now. Soprano, I believe...)
Monday, November 29, 2010
Accentuating the Negative
Based on your familiarity with Sony products, what business strategy do you recommend that Stringer [the current CEO, assuming this textbook isn't out of date] employ to help Sony accelerate its business progress?
There are some professors you can't help but just hate. The individual who assigned this particular question for what I assume is basically a Level 1 course is very quickly headed for that category of professors.
This question assumes that I have a first-hand knowledge of all things Sony, as opposed to the urgent need for a Google search on all things Sony that could end up eating the rest of my afternoon.
I have an MP3 with the letters "RCA" on it, which could mean it's a Sony product, or it could be representative of the other companies Sony has sold the trademark to. In any case, it's a cheapo music player I bought for about thirty bucks anyway, so I doubt it's representative of Sony's products. It alphabetizes your songs instead of letting you choose the order, though, so I still have to watch out for song titles that begin with the letter "A." (It's weird hearing "Animal I Have Become" right after "Animal Crackers In My Soup"...)
The first hit I get is for something called "Qriocity," a "new, cloud-based, digital music service from Sony that will give music lovers access to millions of songs stored and synchronized through the cloud," which is available for PSP's and presumably marketed toward those with a "query" fetish. All of this means that it's absolutely none of my concern. According to the reader comments, it's just a cheap copy of Zune, which means, again, none of my concern. (I am familiar with Pandora, although I haven't logged on in months. I should, though, I would probably have enough credits or whatever built up to get to the music I like...)
From AndroidCommunity.com, we have an important message for "the users that have picked up Sony Ericsson Xperia X8 or X10 and have been counting the days until there was an update for Android offered." In other words, it's absolutely none of my concern, since I've never even heard of an "Xperia" until about five minutes ago. According to reader comments, it's "old news," meaning I'll have to claw my way out of the Stone Age with a Google search just for Xperia.
Oh, okay, so it's for Android 2.0 specifically. Or Android 2.0 is for the Xperia. I'm not sure which is which, so obviously discussing Sony's portable devices is out of the question at this point.
Search: "sony TV"...ah, here we go. This "Google TV" looks promising...
Or not. Apparently, the Google TV is about $200 more expensive than it should be, even after a $200 markdown just for Black Friday, the most wonderful time of the year. A reader comments below on the Google TV being one of "2 unwanted and failed products."
It just goes to show that you can count on the Internet to accentuate the negative. Unless, of course, we're talking about our troops. Actually, no, even our troops aren't off-limits.
So let's Google that other "unwanted and failed product"...ah, here we go. Electronista cites customer complaints about Windows Phone 7. Among these complaints include the customers having to pay for what they get and the product not being close to what they have paid for. Of course, I'm paraphrasing here, there's stuff in there about a "beta experience" and "broken analytics." The crux of the article is that users have apparently been purchasing pirated copies, and developers aren't receiving anywhere near the income they were expecting. This isn't necessarily a problem for the customer per se, but it's still some bad publicity on Sony's part.
So, if I go strictly by this Google search, as opposed to any informed opinions (or lack thereof) based on my consumer habits (or lack thereof), Sony has been doing anything and everything wrong lately.
There, that question wasn't so hard.
---------------------------
Before I go, the last I've heard about our "not-hero" and recent Medal of Honor recipient Salvatore Giunta (whose name I apparently needed to edit just now), he was on the pre-Thanksgiving episode of the Late Show with David Letterman. The episode can be found here in its entirety on CBS.com (those little white dots at the bottom of the screen are advertisements--just skip past the second or third one to get to their interview).
Highlights: A dialogue on the value of "free things," the nation is introduced to his wife, and a discussion on what it's like to meet the President of the United States.
Note: "Decaffeinated coffee...
It's what they're drinking in hell!"
There are some professors you can't help but just hate. The individual who assigned this particular question for what I assume is basically a Level 1 course is very quickly headed for that category of professors.
This question assumes that I have a first-hand knowledge of all things Sony, as opposed to the urgent need for a Google search on all things Sony that could end up eating the rest of my afternoon.
I have an MP3 with the letters "RCA" on it, which could mean it's a Sony product, or it could be representative of the other companies Sony has sold the trademark to. In any case, it's a cheapo music player I bought for about thirty bucks anyway, so I doubt it's representative of Sony's products. It alphabetizes your songs instead of letting you choose the order, though, so I still have to watch out for song titles that begin with the letter "A." (It's weird hearing "Animal I Have Become" right after "Animal Crackers In My Soup"...)
The first hit I get is for something called "Qriocity," a "new, cloud-based, digital music service from Sony that will give music lovers access to millions of songs stored and synchronized through the cloud," which is available for PSP's and presumably marketed toward those with a "query" fetish. All of this means that it's absolutely none of my concern. According to the reader comments, it's just a cheap copy of Zune, which means, again, none of my concern. (I am familiar with Pandora, although I haven't logged on in months. I should, though, I would probably have enough credits or whatever built up to get to the music I like...)
From AndroidCommunity.com, we have an important message for "the users that have picked up Sony Ericsson Xperia X8 or X10 and have been counting the days until there was an update for Android offered." In other words, it's absolutely none of my concern, since I've never even heard of an "Xperia" until about five minutes ago. According to reader comments, it's "old news," meaning I'll have to claw my way out of the Stone Age with a Google search just for Xperia.
Oh, okay, so it's for Android 2.0 specifically. Or Android 2.0 is for the Xperia. I'm not sure which is which, so obviously discussing Sony's portable devices is out of the question at this point.
Search: "sony TV"...ah, here we go. This "Google TV" looks promising...
Or not. Apparently, the Google TV is about $200 more expensive than it should be, even after a $200 markdown just for Black Friday, the most wonderful time of the year. A reader comments below on the Google TV being one of "2 unwanted and failed products."
It just goes to show that you can count on the Internet to accentuate the negative. Unless, of course, we're talking about our troops. Actually, no, even our troops aren't off-limits.
So let's Google that other "unwanted and failed product"...ah, here we go. Electronista cites customer complaints about Windows Phone 7. Among these complaints include the customers having to pay for what they get and the product not being close to what they have paid for. Of course, I'm paraphrasing here, there's stuff in there about a "beta experience" and "broken analytics." The crux of the article is that users have apparently been purchasing pirated copies, and developers aren't receiving anywhere near the income they were expecting. This isn't necessarily a problem for the customer per se, but it's still some bad publicity on Sony's part.
So, if I go strictly by this Google search, as opposed to any informed opinions (or lack thereof) based on my consumer habits (or lack thereof), Sony has been doing anything and everything wrong lately.
There, that question wasn't so hard.
---------------------------
Before I go, the last I've heard about our "not-hero" and recent Medal of Honor recipient Salvatore Giunta (whose name I apparently needed to edit just now), he was on the pre-Thanksgiving episode of the Late Show with David Letterman. The episode can be found here in its entirety on CBS.com (those little white dots at the bottom of the screen are advertisements--just skip past the second or third one to get to their interview).
Highlights: A dialogue on the value of "free things," the nation is introduced to his wife, and a discussion on what it's like to meet the President of the United States.
Note: "Decaffeinated coffee...
It's what they're drinking in hell!"
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
The Simple Things
It occurs to me that Google doesn't seem to have much info when it comes to Vladimir Putin's new pet dog. That's a shame. I haven't really done a whole lot of human interest pieces lately. Well, besides that last one about a week ago.
But yes, Vladimir Putin, the current prime minister of Russia and would-be conqueror of the free world, has a puppy, a gift from his business associate in Bulgaria. Putin can be seen on this page, either looking "thrilled with his new pet" or possibly contemplating consuming the dog via some sort of nightmarish bio-assimilation.
All jokes aside, though, even a possibly staged photo op such as "Marley and Me" (depending on what Putin is planning on naming his new pet) is simply more proof of what we have to be thankful for as we approach Thanksgiving, that wonderful time of year just before that materialistic clusterfuck known as Christmas, when we all give thanks for what we have before we go out to buythe love of our friends and family nice things for our loved ones. Whether it's the latest Wii game, or just something as simple as a puppy, we all have something to be thankful for.
For starters, I'm thankful for having friends and family who love me, and have been willing to put up with me over the years, as we all probably have loved ones we take for granted. I'm thankful for my movie buddy who I get to talk with on a regular basis, and who has been willing to extend his friendship since I moved on campus. I'm also especially thankful that I am on speaking terms with my ex, even if things haven't always been pleasant between us.
I'm thankful to have a roof over my head (two, counting both my dorm and my own home), to have food (even if it isn't always the healthiest stuff), shelter, nice warm clothing, a nice, long, hot shower in the morning and three square meals a day.
I'm thankful for the government and all of the things they have done for us, whether it's bringing us our mail on time, making sure we have safe roads and working utilities, protecting us at home and abroad, and simply being there for us when we're at our lowest. I'm thankful for my church home, and for a God who is always there for us, even if we cannot comprehend His purpose for us.
I'm thankful that I am in good health, that I can see, hear, get out of bed in the morning, make it to my work and classes. I'm thankful that I have two working hands, two steady feet, a cool head on my shoulders, and the nourishment to replenish my strength.
Finally, I am thankful for today (or tomorrow, or the day after, or the week after), to remind us all of the loved ones we have, and to simply remind us to say a simple "thanks" every now and then.
But yes, Vladimir Putin, the current prime minister of Russia and would-be conqueror of the free world, has a puppy, a gift from his business associate in Bulgaria. Putin can be seen on this page, either looking "thrilled with his new pet" or possibly contemplating consuming the dog via some sort of nightmarish bio-assimilation.
All jokes aside, though, even a possibly staged photo op such as "Marley and Me" (depending on what Putin is planning on naming his new pet) is simply more proof of what we have to be thankful for as we approach Thanksgiving, that wonderful time of year just before that materialistic clusterfuck known as Christmas, when we all give thanks for what we have before we go out to buy
For starters, I'm thankful for having friends and family who love me, and have been willing to put up with me over the years, as we all probably have loved ones we take for granted. I'm thankful for my movie buddy who I get to talk with on a regular basis, and who has been willing to extend his friendship since I moved on campus. I'm also especially thankful that I am on speaking terms with my ex, even if things haven't always been pleasant between us.
I'm thankful to have a roof over my head (two, counting both my dorm and my own home), to have food (even if it isn't always the healthiest stuff), shelter, nice warm clothing, a nice, long, hot shower in the morning and three square meals a day.
I'm thankful for the government and all of the things they have done for us, whether it's bringing us our mail on time, making sure we have safe roads and working utilities, protecting us at home and abroad, and simply being there for us when we're at our lowest. I'm thankful for my church home, and for a God who is always there for us, even if we cannot comprehend His purpose for us.
I'm thankful that I am in good health, that I can see, hear, get out of bed in the morning, make it to my work and classes. I'm thankful that I have two working hands, two steady feet, a cool head on my shoulders, and the nourishment to replenish my strength.
Finally, I am thankful for today (or tomorrow, or the day after, or the week after), to remind us all of the loved ones we have, and to simply remind us to say a simple "thanks" every now and then.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Hasta Muerte Háganos Parte...
So I got bored one day watching daytime television, and then I see this...
As Jeff Foxworthy might say, "Mistake? No, no. Leaving your car keys in the car while it's running is a mistake. Cleaning your gun with the safety off is a mistake. Buying 'Witless Protection' is a mistake? But marrying someone for twenty-three years, not knowing it's actually a man, is no 'mistake.' That is a full-blown faux-pas."
Or, better yet, simply, "Ay Dios Mio!"
Or, better yet, simply, "Ay Dios Mio!"
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The Count Gets *****ed Out
**** on down to Sesame Street. That's right, **** on down to Sesame Street.
By the way, how long has **** been ** ***Tube? Really? **** really?
By the way, how long has **** been ** ***Tube? Really? **** really?
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Not a Hero
In recent years, the Medal of Honor has been awarded posthumously to war veterans who have given their lives in the service of their country, with three medals awarded during Obama's presidency. This changed the other day...
No, I don't mean the presidency, I meant him giving the Medal of Honor to dead guys. You silly gooses...
Staff Sergeant Salvatore Giunta distinguished himself in combat on October 25, 2007, when his rifle team was ambushed by Afghan insurgents. Giunta rushed into the area of enemy fire to back up his comrades, and at one point caught up with a pair of Taliban members who were taking away one of his friends, Sgt. Josh Brennan. Giunta killed one of the Taliban abductors and wounded the other before carrying Brennan away from the enemy.
He literally rushed into no-man's land and into gunfire to save a comrade. What have you done for your friends lately?
Brennan had already sustained life-threatening injuries, but Giunta provided first aid long enough for the army medic to arrive. Brennan later died from his injuries, but the army was at least able to provide a body for Brennan's family to bury, rather than leaving him to them terrorist sumbitches. I mean, God knows what they would have done with him.
President Obama awarded the Medal of Honor to Giunta. (*Edit: The video of the ceremony is embedded below.) "I like this guy, Sal, and as I found out myself when I first spoke with him on the phone, and when we met in the Oval Office today, he is a low-key guy, a humble guy. He doesn't seek the limelight, and he'll tell you he didn't do anything special, that he was just doing his job, that any of his brothers in the unit would do the same thing. In fact, he just lived up to what his team leader instructed him to do years before: You do everything you can."
In an interview with 60 Minutes, Giunta admitted that he was overwhelmed at the prospect of being called a "hero," and didn't feel it was appropriate. "The story was told, handshakes were made, and soon I'm talking to the President of the United States. I don't see how that happened. [...] I'm average, I'm mediocre. This is one moment. I mean, I don't think I did anything that anyone else I was with wouldn't have done. I was in a position to do it. That's what needed to be done. So that's what I did."
Well, if this guy isn't a hero, I obviously wouldn't know what a hero is. I don't think anyone could disagree with that...
"When we think of heroism in battle, we used the think of our boys storming the beaches of Normandy under withering fire, climbing the cliffs of Pointe do Hoc while enemy soldiers fired straight down on them, and tossing grenades into pill boxes to take out gun emplacements. That kind of heroism has apparently become passe when it comes to awarding the Medal of Honor. We now award it only for preventing casualties, not for inflicting them."
Apparently, someone disagrees with me.
Enter Bryan Fischer, the head of the American Family Association, who commented on his blog that awarding the Medal of Honor to those who save lives instead of killing the enemy may result in "feminizing" the Medal of Honor. He goes on to ask, "When are we going to start awarding the Medal of Honor once again for soldiers who kill people and break things so our families can sleep safely at night?"
The fuck?
Bryan Fischer goes on to admit that such self-sacrifice is noble, but also useless if it is not enough to destroy the enemy. "Jesus’ act of self-sacrifice would ultimately have been meaningless - yes, meaningless - if he had not inflicted a mortal wound on the enemy while giving up his own life." Quoting the Bible itself, he further adds, "It was on the cross that he crushed the head of the serpent. It was on the cross that 'he disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in it'."
Okay, fine. I'm not going to debate whether or not terrorist sumbitches are terrorist sumbitches at this point. Nazis are Nazis, "the enemy" is the enemy, and terrorist sumbitches are terrorist sumbitches. If they are truly out to threaten us, we must put a stop to their monstrous acts against humanity by any means necessary, even if this means killing them.
But what kind of warped mind questions the bravery of storming into enemy fire to save a friend's life? How does anyone drag their feet at the thought of awarding a medal to such an example of conspicuous bravery and valor?
I think the guy is simply living in a different time, back in a time with the good ol' boys, in Fischer's words, "storming the beaches of Normandy under withering fire, climbing the cliffs of Pointe do Hoc while enemy soldiers fired straight down on them, and tossing grenades into pill boxes to take out gun emplacements."
Which is great and all, except not every enemy is the Third Reich (or Satan, for that matter), and not all problems can be solved by throwing more grenades at it. What Fischer forgets is that America is on a peacekeeping mission, to restore order to the Middle East. This does not entail responding to force with more force. The ideal war he has in mind is the equivalent of a ballistic missile destroying everything in its path, when what we need is a "smart bomb" approach, tailored to surgically remove the enemy, and only the enemy.
Oh, and Fischer? Jesus saves. He saves everyone. Including "the enemy." Just as one soldier, back in '07, who was anything but a "hero," saved the life of his friend.
No, I don't mean the presidency, I meant him giving the Medal of Honor to dead guys. You silly gooses...
Staff Sergeant Salvatore Giunta distinguished himself in combat on October 25, 2007, when his rifle team was ambushed by Afghan insurgents. Giunta rushed into the area of enemy fire to back up his comrades, and at one point caught up with a pair of Taliban members who were taking away one of his friends, Sgt. Josh Brennan. Giunta killed one of the Taliban abductors and wounded the other before carrying Brennan away from the enemy.
He literally rushed into no-man's land and into gunfire to save a comrade. What have you done for your friends lately?
Brennan had already sustained life-threatening injuries, but Giunta provided first aid long enough for the army medic to arrive. Brennan later died from his injuries, but the army was at least able to provide a body for Brennan's family to bury, rather than leaving him to them terrorist sumbitches. I mean, God knows what they would have done with him.
President Obama awarded the Medal of Honor to Giunta. (*Edit: The video of the ceremony is embedded below.) "I like this guy, Sal, and as I found out myself when I first spoke with him on the phone, and when we met in the Oval Office today, he is a low-key guy, a humble guy. He doesn't seek the limelight, and he'll tell you he didn't do anything special, that he was just doing his job, that any of his brothers in the unit would do the same thing. In fact, he just lived up to what his team leader instructed him to do years before: You do everything you can."
In an interview with 60 Minutes, Giunta admitted that he was overwhelmed at the prospect of being called a "hero," and didn't feel it was appropriate. "The story was told, handshakes were made, and soon I'm talking to the President of the United States. I don't see how that happened. [...] I'm average, I'm mediocre. This is one moment. I mean, I don't think I did anything that anyone else I was with wouldn't have done. I was in a position to do it. That's what needed to be done. So that's what I did."
Well, if this guy isn't a hero, I obviously wouldn't know what a hero is. I don't think anyone could disagree with that...
"When we think of heroism in battle, we used the think of our boys storming the beaches of Normandy under withering fire, climbing the cliffs of Pointe do Hoc while enemy soldiers fired straight down on them, and tossing grenades into pill boxes to take out gun emplacements. That kind of heroism has apparently become passe when it comes to awarding the Medal of Honor. We now award it only for preventing casualties, not for inflicting them."
Apparently, someone disagrees with me.
Enter Bryan Fischer, the head of the American Family Association, who commented on his blog that awarding the Medal of Honor to those who save lives instead of killing the enemy may result in "feminizing" the Medal of Honor. He goes on to ask, "When are we going to start awarding the Medal of Honor once again for soldiers who kill people and break things so our families can sleep safely at night?"
The fuck?
Bryan Fischer goes on to admit that such self-sacrifice is noble, but also useless if it is not enough to destroy the enemy. "Jesus’ act of self-sacrifice would ultimately have been meaningless - yes, meaningless - if he had not inflicted a mortal wound on the enemy while giving up his own life." Quoting the Bible itself, he further adds, "It was on the cross that he crushed the head of the serpent. It was on the cross that 'he disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in it'."
Okay, fine. I'm not going to debate whether or not terrorist sumbitches are terrorist sumbitches at this point. Nazis are Nazis, "the enemy" is the enemy, and terrorist sumbitches are terrorist sumbitches. If they are truly out to threaten us, we must put a stop to their monstrous acts against humanity by any means necessary, even if this means killing them.
But what kind of warped mind questions the bravery of storming into enemy fire to save a friend's life? How does anyone drag their feet at the thought of awarding a medal to such an example of conspicuous bravery and valor?
I think the guy is simply living in a different time, back in a time with the good ol' boys, in Fischer's words, "storming the beaches of Normandy under withering fire, climbing the cliffs of Pointe do Hoc while enemy soldiers fired straight down on them, and tossing grenades into pill boxes to take out gun emplacements."
Which is great and all, except not every enemy is the Third Reich (or Satan, for that matter), and not all problems can be solved by throwing more grenades at it. What Fischer forgets is that America is on a peacekeeping mission, to restore order to the Middle East. This does not entail responding to force with more force. The ideal war he has in mind is the equivalent of a ballistic missile destroying everything in its path, when what we need is a "smart bomb" approach, tailored to surgically remove the enemy, and only the enemy.
Oh, and Fischer? Jesus saves. He saves everyone. Including "the enemy." Just as one soldier, back in '07, who was anything but a "hero," saved the life of his friend.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Klaus, the Little Engine That Could...
Sorry about not having any actual updates lately. It seems like whenever I should be typing something, real life comes in and says, "Uh uh, bitch." So yeah, November might be kind of a slow month.
With that in mind, though, here's a little something from "American Dad."
Ha ha. It's funny because Klaus is German. And even funnier because he's a Nazi war criminal trapped in the body of a fish.
With that in mind, though, here's a little something from "American Dad."
Ha ha. It's funny because Klaus is German. And even funnier because he's a Nazi war criminal trapped in the body of a fish.
Monday, November 8, 2010
"What's it Called?"
I'd like a cushy job. If nothing else, my degree in experimental transportation might help me land the position. (I just got it from night classes at Subway University. That counts, right?)
Friday, November 5, 2010
Corpse Carnage
It figures the one night I have actually stuff to turn in to class, my IRL blog buddy shows up at my doorstep and says he needs to talk.
As all has not been well for me recently, so has life not always been perfect for my circle of friends, and especially not the one guy I hang out with on a regular basis. It's 2010, and the fact of the matter is that it's gotten harder to make friends. Blame it on the Internet, blame it on iPods, blame it on politics, or just blame it on us. All either of us knows for sure is that it isn't quite freshman year anymore.
Despite dealing with my own little existential crisis, I can't say I'm the best at helping others cope with their problems. All I can do is lend them a listening ear, set aside a place to chill in my room, and offer platitudes such as "it isn't quite freshman year anymore," or "I'm sure things will get easier." Or, "Maybe you should stop reading shit out loud. Seriously, I'm a visual learner anyway, and besides...just stop reading shit out loud."
We got done talking for the night, seeing as how it was 11:00 and time for the Daily Show to come on. He took a spot by my computer, which I needed to grab in order to finish a couple of assignments due the next morning. I stress morning, and preface it with an "8 o'clock in the..." Just so you know how inadvisable a late night was under the circumstances.
About ten minutes into the Daily Show, I saw my buddy getting on to a site to shoot up some zombies (something called "Corpse Carnage," I can only assume). And I couldn't help but think quietly to myself, "What the heck? The Daily Show is on right now. You were the one who wanted to change the channel, aren't you even going to watch?" Granted, I wasn't paying too much attention either, but that's because I had a homework assignment out.
It was about an hour into his game (and well into the Colbert Report) when I asked, "Are you going to get off my computer?" He's all like, "I'm almost done with this." By "almost," I can only assume he meant somewhere in the area of thirty to forty more minutes.
I knew he wanted to catch the midnight run of "South Park," seeing as how we were both waiting to see how the cliffhanger would be resolved. Even so, as we watched the first few minutes of "Mysterion Rises," I couldn't help but feel the ever-growing twinge of tension as my buddy continued to mow down zombies from my computer.
There are two reasons I have added this post. The first is relatively self-explanatory once you realize that not many people can run on four hours of sleep. He finally left once South Park was over, but the homework I needed to complete on the computer ended up occupying me until I went to bed at the third strike of three o'clock. Needless to say, I'm still a little tired right now.
The second, which finally got us to stop debating whether it's pronounced "kuh-thoo-loo" or "kuh-too-loo," was the reveal of Mysterion's identity and the secret of his power. At the beginning of the episode, he notes his secret ability, something of a "curse" more than a gift, but the moment Mysterion's identity was revealed, two and two quickly came together as my buddy and I came to utter three simple words: "He can't die."
My buddy, ever the otaku of my circle of friends, was quick to notice the "Tortoro" reference with Cartman riding Cthulhu. He couldn't stop laughing at the song playing as the two monsters, human and unreal cosmic entity, went on a rampage, while I couldn't stop thinking to myself, "Cartman, of all people, would be the one to tame Cthulhu..."
Oh, and from what he's told me, it is pronounced "kuh-too-loo." That 'h' at the beginning is silent.
As all has not been well for me recently, so has life not always been perfect for my circle of friends, and especially not the one guy I hang out with on a regular basis. It's 2010, and the fact of the matter is that it's gotten harder to make friends. Blame it on the Internet, blame it on iPods, blame it on politics, or just blame it on us. All either of us knows for sure is that it isn't quite freshman year anymore.
Despite dealing with my own little existential crisis, I can't say I'm the best at helping others cope with their problems. All I can do is lend them a listening ear, set aside a place to chill in my room, and offer platitudes such as "it isn't quite freshman year anymore," or "I'm sure things will get easier." Or, "Maybe you should stop reading shit out loud. Seriously, I'm a visual learner anyway, and besides...just stop reading shit out loud."
We got done talking for the night, seeing as how it was 11:00 and time for the Daily Show to come on. He took a spot by my computer, which I needed to grab in order to finish a couple of assignments due the next morning. I stress morning, and preface it with an "8 o'clock in the..." Just so you know how inadvisable a late night was under the circumstances.
About ten minutes into the Daily Show, I saw my buddy getting on to a site to shoot up some zombies (something called "Corpse Carnage," I can only assume). And I couldn't help but think quietly to myself, "What the heck? The Daily Show is on right now. You were the one who wanted to change the channel, aren't you even going to watch?" Granted, I wasn't paying too much attention either, but that's because I had a homework assignment out.
It was about an hour into his game (and well into the Colbert Report) when I asked, "Are you going to get off my computer?" He's all like, "I'm almost done with this." By "almost," I can only assume he meant somewhere in the area of thirty to forty more minutes.
I knew he wanted to catch the midnight run of "South Park," seeing as how we were both waiting to see how the cliffhanger would be resolved. Even so, as we watched the first few minutes of "Mysterion Rises," I couldn't help but feel the ever-growing twinge of tension as my buddy continued to mow down zombies from my computer.
There are two reasons I have added this post. The first is relatively self-explanatory once you realize that not many people can run on four hours of sleep. He finally left once South Park was over, but the homework I needed to complete on the computer ended up occupying me until I went to bed at the third strike of three o'clock. Needless to say, I'm still a little tired right now.
The second, which finally got us to stop debating whether it's pronounced "kuh-thoo-loo" or "kuh-too-loo," was the reveal of Mysterion's identity and the secret of his power. At the beginning of the episode, he notes his secret ability, something of a "curse" more than a gift, but the moment Mysterion's identity was revealed, two and two quickly came together as my buddy and I came to utter three simple words: "He can't die."
My buddy, ever the otaku of my circle of friends, was quick to notice the "Tortoro" reference with Cartman riding Cthulhu. He couldn't stop laughing at the song playing as the two monsters, human and unreal cosmic entity, went on a rampage, while I couldn't stop thinking to myself, "Cartman, of all people, would be the one to tame Cthulhu..."
Oh, and from what he's told me, it is pronounced "kuh-too-loo." That 'h' at the beginning is silent.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
I Am You, I...Am KanYEEE-EEEE-EEEE
Sorry about not updating quickly. Been busy with a paper. And a test. What can I say, school happens.
I would worry about the video stretching out into my adspace. But hey, you can just click to go to YouTube.
I'll give you a quick synopsis of the video: It's Christine O'Donnell. She sings through autotune. She then proceeds to barge into a House meeting, informing the audience, "Yo, Pelosi, Imma let you finish, but Sarah Palin had one of the best campaigns of all time! One of the best campaigns of all time!"
Friday, October 29, 2010
"Crowd Control"
First of all, I can't believe it needs to be said in this country, in this day and age, that violence against others is a bad idea.
Now, I'm sure many of you are saying, "Well, if we're in danger, and the other guy is a murderous psychopath, and we have to protect our homes or our lives or something, then violence is okay..."
Yes, in that hypothetical situation, violence is a necessary evil. The key word, of course, being "evil." We are supposed to use violence only as a last resort and only when absolutely, unquestionably necessary, and not just to make a point.
I don't know what it is about us hot-blooded Americans and that testosterone in our systems that seems to just screw up anything we put our minds to. I don't know if it's something in the water, or our food, or if it's what we see on TV or the movies that makes us more prone to violence, but the fact of the matter is that we see violence as a one-size-fits-all solution to whatever problems we're facing, rather than the last resort it should be.
I think it needs to be said that we are lucky enough to be in America, where violence typically shouldn't be necessary. It's true that we have gangbangers, rapists, murderers, and Juggalos, but these individuals are the exception rather than the rule. The fact that we have a relatively efficient legal system with which to process these dangerous individuals is all the more reason for us to refrain from violence ourselves rather than stoop to the level of thugs or gangsters.
I stress again that these psychopaths are the exception rather than the rule. It's true, there are many people in our day-to-day lives we have disagreements with. They could be friends, co-workers, family, and, hypothetically, a protester who happens to be at your rally. And these disagreements could involve things such as finances, property, relationships, or, speaking hypothetically, wearing a blonde wig and getting too close to your candidate while holding up a sign that basically says "Screw your candidate."
However, this does not mean that one should respond to these individuals, and deal with these disagreements, using violence.
Tensions are high in this country. Campaigns lately have been more personality-driven than possibly ever before, with Obama himself as a prime example. The latest candidates such as Palin or O'Connell haven't helped matters much in that regard. However, the fact of the matter is that the country's disgust with its political institutions has become so severe that we now end up demonizing whoever's in charge. It happened with Bush, and it's happening again with Obama and the Democratic party. (It's happening literally with O'Connell...)
Like many people, I get my news from Comedy Central, America's most trusted source of talking poo and blind black white supremacists, so imagine my surprise during The Daily Show's Moment of Zen the other day when I saw Americans attacking...other Americans. The reason? Well, it either has something to do with their beliefs, or, as one of the attackers noted later, they thought she was a security risk, and pinned her to the ground.
Embedded below is a video of Rand Paul supporters at a rally as they try to do some crowd control. (The video stretches out to the right side of my screen, otherwise this post would have been a lot shorter.) Watch as they tackle the "security risk" to the ground, rip off her wig, and then proceed to stomp on her.
A few notes. First of all, up until the 0:20 mark, our crowd control personnel haven't really done anything overtly "evil." I mean, yes, they tackle her to the ground and all that, but if we are to believe their story, they were still under the assumption that she was trying to assault the supporters, if not Rand Paul himself. In fact, you can hear them asking for police support (though you can't help but wonder if they were simply trying to cover up their bullying by asking for an adult...).
Also, you see that guy who steps in after the 0:20 mark, and puts his foot against her head to stomp her skull-first into the pavement? Yeah, you see that guy? Well, he's the county organizer for Paul's campaign. Or, luckily, he was, seeing as how he was booted off the campaign following the incident.
Also, he wants an apology. As in, the guy who stomped someone's head into the ground, wants an apology, from the individual who was on the receiving end of his foot upon said stomping.
Note: The Brewsky is not amused.
However, the Brewsky will not resort to violence, since violence is morally reprehensible, but instead wishes for a civilized discussion on why it is wrong to ask for an apology from someone you've given a concussion to.
Now, I'm sure many of you are saying, "Well, if we're in danger, and the other guy is a murderous psychopath, and we have to protect our homes or our lives or something, then violence is okay..."
Yes, in that hypothetical situation, violence is a necessary evil. The key word, of course, being "evil." We are supposed to use violence only as a last resort and only when absolutely, unquestionably necessary, and not just to make a point.
I don't know what it is about us hot-blooded Americans and that testosterone in our systems that seems to just screw up anything we put our minds to. I don't know if it's something in the water, or our food, or if it's what we see on TV or the movies that makes us more prone to violence, but the fact of the matter is that we see violence as a one-size-fits-all solution to whatever problems we're facing, rather than the last resort it should be.
I think it needs to be said that we are lucky enough to be in America, where violence typically shouldn't be necessary. It's true that we have gangbangers, rapists, murderers, and Juggalos, but these individuals are the exception rather than the rule. The fact that we have a relatively efficient legal system with which to process these dangerous individuals is all the more reason for us to refrain from violence ourselves rather than stoop to the level of thugs or gangsters.
I stress again that these psychopaths are the exception rather than the rule. It's true, there are many people in our day-to-day lives we have disagreements with. They could be friends, co-workers, family, and, hypothetically, a protester who happens to be at your rally. And these disagreements could involve things such as finances, property, relationships, or, speaking hypothetically, wearing a blonde wig and getting too close to your candidate while holding up a sign that basically says "Screw your candidate."
However, this does not mean that one should respond to these individuals, and deal with these disagreements, using violence.
Tensions are high in this country. Campaigns lately have been more personality-driven than possibly ever before, with Obama himself as a prime example. The latest candidates such as Palin or O'Connell haven't helped matters much in that regard. However, the fact of the matter is that the country's disgust with its political institutions has become so severe that we now end up demonizing whoever's in charge. It happened with Bush, and it's happening again with Obama and the Democratic party. (It's happening literally with O'Connell...)
Like many people, I get my news from Comedy Central, America's most trusted source of talking poo and blind black white supremacists, so imagine my surprise during The Daily Show's Moment of Zen the other day when I saw Americans attacking...other Americans. The reason? Well, it either has something to do with their beliefs, or, as one of the attackers noted later, they thought she was a security risk, and pinned her to the ground.
Embedded below is a video of Rand Paul supporters at a rally as they try to do some crowd control. (The video stretches out to the right side of my screen, otherwise this post would have been a lot shorter.) Watch as they tackle the "security risk" to the ground, rip off her wig, and then proceed to stomp on her.
A few notes. First of all, up until the 0:20 mark, our crowd control personnel haven't really done anything overtly "evil." I mean, yes, they tackle her to the ground and all that, but if we are to believe their story, they were still under the assumption that she was trying to assault the supporters, if not Rand Paul himself. In fact, you can hear them asking for police support (though you can't help but wonder if they were simply trying to cover up their bullying by asking for an adult...).
Also, you see that guy who steps in after the 0:20 mark, and puts his foot against her head to stomp her skull-first into the pavement? Yeah, you see that guy? Well, he's the county organizer for Paul's campaign. Or, luckily, he was, seeing as how he was booted off the campaign following the incident.
Also, he wants an apology. As in, the guy who stomped someone's head into the ground, wants an apology, from the individual who was on the receiving end of his foot upon said stomping.
Note: The Brewsky is not amused.
However, the Brewsky will not resort to violence, since violence is morally reprehensible, but instead wishes for a civilized discussion on why it is wrong to ask for an apology from someone you've given a concussion to.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
You Can Work Out While Watching TV!
I'm going to make this quick, since I'm trying to write something else at the moment. Since I'm messing around on Google, though, I came across this article from a fellow writer who says that it's easier to work out while watching a baseball game or "Real Housewives of New Jersey" than it is to...not work out with the TV on.
Somehow I doubt that's the case. In the case of America's national pasttime, it's easier just to fall asleep, and in the case of Housewives, it's easier just to throw one's TV out the window (too bad I'm on a second story).
In fact, for those of you who can't multi-task, I don't recommend exercising and watching TV at the same time. Or, for that matter, working on a paper and surfing the Web at the same time. It just doesn't work.
Note: The Brewsky is funny, yes it's funny...I'm sorry, an enthusiastic contributor and yeah, you're real funny. C'mon, man, just calm down. No, you're just funny, Tommy. It's just...calm down, Tommy, it's just the way you tell the story. He doesn't mean any disrespect...oh, Tommy was joking. Ha ha, Tommmy was...JESUS CHRIST, he just SHOT THE GUY!
Somehow I doubt that's the case. In the case of America's national pasttime, it's easier just to fall asleep, and in the case of Housewives, it's easier just to throw one's TV out the window (too bad I'm on a second story).
In fact, for those of you who can't multi-task, I don't recommend exercising and watching TV at the same time. Or, for that matter, working on a paper and surfing the Web at the same time. It just doesn't work.
Note: The Brewsky is funny, yes it's funny...I'm sorry, an enthusiastic contributor and yeah, you're real funny. C'mon, man, just calm down. No, you're just funny, Tommy. It's just...calm down, Tommy, it's just the way you tell the story. He doesn't mean any disrespect...oh, Tommy was joking. Ha ha, Tommmy was...JESUS CHRIST, he just SHOT THE GUY!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
A Knife to a Gunfight
As you can probably gather from my previous post, I've had a rather...trying weekend. The anguish of my soul, the pangs of my heart, the trials of coming up with something remotely poetic to reflect my own inner turmoil.
It has been a very difficult weekend, coming face-to-face with the realization that, good a friend as she may be, she simply may not be my one and only, my soulmate, my kindred spirit, the light of my life...
It's a very difficult thing, facing something like that. Where do I go from here? Where do I go from her? How do I move on from something so meaningful, how do I give it up, how do I throw away something so full of life and passion, that everything afterward only seems dead and fruitless? Who else laughs at my every word, beams at my every gesture, finishes my every sentence?
I say the word "soulmate" knowing that, like so many other words, is constantly, casually tossed around by the soulless, homogenized, Hallmark-driven propagators of that similar, soulless, homogenized word called "love." I know many of us are de-sensitized to this word, and that word, because those words have been robbed of all meaning. Knowing all this, though, I also cannot think of any other words to describe her. She is my soulmate. She is my love. All I can think about is her. I cannot imagine life without her.
Don't get me wrong, though. We have not thrown that away. If anything, we have treasured our time together. The cold, hard reality facing what I have presumed to blaspheme with such words as "soulmate" and "love" is that neither of us is truly ready to live those words. Neither of us is ready to begin a relationship. We--or perhaps she--or maybe it's just me--are simply not ready to give ourselves up to one another. It's a tough pill to swallow--I'm choking on it at the moment--but it's simply the truth.
For those of you who have never gone through that, I do admit to feeling something along the lines of envy, jealousy. For those of you who have never had your heart torn and broken, I can only wonder endlessly what that used to feel like. I will not pretend that it is never better to feel that way, to be numb and impervious to this monstrous, damning, consuming word called "love." For they say, "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
If, however, the unthinkable mind behind those words was talking of my kind of love, the kind of infatuation which knows no bounds, that it is better to lose that, to give up...well, not feeling like crap...for that awesome and terrifying sort of burden between two people, all I have to say is one word:
Bullshit.
Coming off the heels of what one might call my little crisis of faith, I find myself in the notable predicament of trying to resume business as usual, which might be the toughest matter of all to attend to. What could there possibly be going on that could distract me from that little, faith-shattering, heart-rending business of mine with the only woman I've ever loved...
What the hell is this?
For those of you who don't know who Christine O'Donnell is, she is a Biblical activist who, back in that innocent time known as the 90's, campaigned against masturbation on MTV (back when MTV actually played music), and who confessed that she would have been willing to give up Anne Frank to Hitler (because God doesn't want us to lie). So what has she done to make up for her disgusting comments...I mean, "youthful transgressions"?
Well, for one, she is the current Tea Party candidate in Delaware, who despite having a reputation as an anti-masturbation activist and a witch, was somehow not beaten in the primaries.
And, despite being a member of the Tea Party and a candidate for the U.S. Senate, she apparently doesn't understand that the Constitution expressly forbids the integration of church and state. See also the embedded video above, during a debate at a law school, where she displays not only an alarming lack of knowledge concerning the Constitution, but also any knowledge on one of her key issues, namely the separation of church and state on which rested the crux of her argument.
So basically, she comes to a debate expecting to pontificate to an uninformed student body, and instead proceeds to exacerbate her already spiraling political career by showing her blatant anti-intellectualism in front of a disproportionately-informed student body of legal specialists. (Or, as our good friend Indy might say, she brought a knife to a gunfight...)
Does anyone else remember Fred Thompson, and how he more or less sleepwalked through his own campaign back in 2007?
Oh, yeah, me neither.
It has been a very difficult weekend, coming face-to-face with the realization that, good a friend as she may be, she simply may not be my one and only, my soulmate, my kindred spirit, the light of my life...
It's a very difficult thing, facing something like that. Where do I go from here? Where do I go from her? How do I move on from something so meaningful, how do I give it up, how do I throw away something so full of life and passion, that everything afterward only seems dead and fruitless? Who else laughs at my every word, beams at my every gesture, finishes my every sentence?
I say the word "soulmate" knowing that, like so many other words, is constantly, casually tossed around by the soulless, homogenized, Hallmark-driven propagators of that similar, soulless, homogenized word called "love." I know many of us are de-sensitized to this word, and that word, because those words have been robbed of all meaning. Knowing all this, though, I also cannot think of any other words to describe her. She is my soulmate. She is my love. All I can think about is her. I cannot imagine life without her.
Don't get me wrong, though. We have not thrown that away. If anything, we have treasured our time together. The cold, hard reality facing what I have presumed to blaspheme with such words as "soulmate" and "love" is that neither of us is truly ready to live those words. Neither of us is ready to begin a relationship. We--or perhaps she--or maybe it's just me--are simply not ready to give ourselves up to one another. It's a tough pill to swallow--I'm choking on it at the moment--but it's simply the truth.
For those of you who have never gone through that, I do admit to feeling something along the lines of envy, jealousy. For those of you who have never had your heart torn and broken, I can only wonder endlessly what that used to feel like. I will not pretend that it is never better to feel that way, to be numb and impervious to this monstrous, damning, consuming word called "love." For they say, "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all."
If, however, the unthinkable mind behind those words was talking of my kind of love, the kind of infatuation which knows no bounds, that it is better to lose that, to give up...well, not feeling like crap...for that awesome and terrifying sort of burden between two people, all I have to say is one word:
Bullshit.
Coming off the heels of what one might call my little crisis of faith, I find myself in the notable predicament of trying to resume business as usual, which might be the toughest matter of all to attend to. What could there possibly be going on that could distract me from that little, faith-shattering, heart-rending business of mine with the only woman I've ever loved...
What the hell is this?
For those of you who don't know who Christine O'Donnell is, she is a Biblical activist who, back in that innocent time known as the 90's, campaigned against masturbation on MTV (back when MTV actually played music), and who confessed that she would have been willing to give up Anne Frank to Hitler (because God doesn't want us to lie). So what has she done to make up for her disgusting comments...I mean, "youthful transgressions"?
Well, for one, she is the current Tea Party candidate in Delaware, who despite having a reputation as an anti-masturbation activist and a witch, was somehow not beaten in the primaries.
And, despite being a member of the Tea Party and a candidate for the U.S. Senate, she apparently doesn't understand that the Constitution expressly forbids the integration of church and state. See also the embedded video above, during a debate at a law school, where she displays not only an alarming lack of knowledge concerning the Constitution, but also any knowledge on one of her key issues, namely the separation of church and state on which rested the crux of her argument.
So basically, she comes to a debate expecting to pontificate to an uninformed student body, and instead proceeds to exacerbate her already spiraling political career by showing her blatant anti-intellectualism in front of a disproportionately-informed student body of legal specialists. (Or, as our good friend Indy might say, she brought a knife to a gunfight...)
Does anyone else remember Fred Thompson, and how he more or less sleepwalked through his own campaign back in 2007?
Oh, yeah, me neither.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Another Fluff Piece
There are many people in the dating scene these days who are blessed with things like charisma, wit, charm, the ability to sweep the opposite sex off their feet, or failing that, they at least have some sort of hot body that would attract the ladies at first glance.
And then you have guys like me, who missed the memo that something might have been a bit off in our approach to finding the right girl...
So I introduce this buddy of mine to my ex. Now, when I say I "introduce" them, I don't mean I "fix them up." What I mean is that I felt it appropriate to introduce one circle of friends to another. Like a social hour. Except a little bit dysfunctional. You see, when one circle of friends is running on 4 hours of sleep and 5 hours of caffeine, and the other circle is just running on no sleep, there are bound to be some problems. I mean, this guy doesn't really need caffeine, but the presence of it in his system has surely not helped matters at this point.
There's a stand-up routine where some comedian (I forget this particular performer's name) jokes about introducing one group of friends to another. "First of all, they think I'm extremely wealthy. And don't be surprised if I talk in a British accent." In my rendition, I spend half the night explaining just why my buddy is yelling these battle cries, and why these battle cries are directed toward some fireworks in the distance. ("He really, really likes pyrotechnics...")
Some fireworks in the distance. Huh. It's almost like I planned that.
She laughs. "Yeah, I bet."
Some fireworks in the distance. Never been one for big romantic gestures, but usually, in the movies, this is where the guy does something. Makes something happen. A kiss, all too quick, but still a kiss. Or maybe some wine glasses tucked behind that tree. (Champagne, anyone?)
When you're in the moment, there's never time to think about that. Never enough time. All the time in the world, is useless in the here and now.
Plus, you know, she's an "ex". Those two letters, the worst two letters in the English language. Worst swear I've ever used.
How do you let go? How do you single, well-adjusted people let go of someone like that?
Our first class together, too busy, to find out what we should know about each other. Our first dinners together, a meal out with some friends. Again, too busy. We walk around campus, we talk about our homework, our families, our home lives, our jobs, our friends, our...their...dating lives.
Our first kiss. Our...last kiss. Our first and last kiss.
It's a path that can never really be tread again. Steps you can never repeat, steps you can never take back. A dance, a tango, a ritual of sorts. They call it "courting," a dance, a system that wouldn't be out of place in antiquity, in the halls of courts, in that stranger, nobler time before chivalry died a slow death, before lov...
They say we have love for our family, our country, our god, our fellow human beings. Our friends. But they never say you can love a friend, as opposed to..."love." Love. Love love love love love.
We toss that word around, like a used sweater. It gets worn, gets torn, you can see the holes. It becomes a frayed, tattered mess of an excuse for what it was. Then it gets tossed aside, and we move down the aisle, looking for another one to fill the void left by the last one.
What if I don't want a new one? How do you let go? How exactly do you let go? Does it get easier, the more times you go through those steps, that tango?
I've never wanted another partner. Never needed another partner.
You ask, "What does this 'dance' of yours mean? What makes you and your girlfriend...oh, I'm sorry...ex-girlfriend of yours, so damn special?"
There are many people who will never have an answer for that question. There are those who never really knew the answer in the first place.
But there are others who can't put it in words. And I will say that you cannot put that dance in words. You cannot put into words the first few steps in that thing called love any easier than you can explain those last few steps for someone who's never done it before, never been through that before, never taken that special someone in his hands and treated her like she is the most precious thing in the world.
I'm in the car, long gone by now. My buddy is with me. The "girl," the "ex," is nowhere to be found.
"She's nice," he says. "But I can see why..."
So what did I do wrong? Oh fountain of all knowledge?
"There's no spark," he says. "But I can tell that you were good friends."
The first step begins with that much, and ends with so little...
"You're also really sarcastic, dude."
Big surprise.
And then you have guys like me, who missed the memo that something might have been a bit off in our approach to finding the right girl...
So I introduce this buddy of mine to my ex. Now, when I say I "introduce" them, I don't mean I "fix them up." What I mean is that I felt it appropriate to introduce one circle of friends to another. Like a social hour. Except a little bit dysfunctional. You see, when one circle of friends is running on 4 hours of sleep and 5 hours of caffeine, and the other circle is just running on no sleep, there are bound to be some problems. I mean, this guy doesn't really need caffeine, but the presence of it in his system has surely not helped matters at this point.
There's a stand-up routine where some comedian (I forget this particular performer's name) jokes about introducing one group of friends to another. "First of all, they think I'm extremely wealthy. And don't be surprised if I talk in a British accent." In my rendition, I spend half the night explaining just why my buddy is yelling these battle cries, and why these battle cries are directed toward some fireworks in the distance. ("He really, really likes pyrotechnics...")
Some fireworks in the distance. Huh. It's almost like I planned that.
She laughs. "Yeah, I bet."
Some fireworks in the distance. Never been one for big romantic gestures, but usually, in the movies, this is where the guy does something. Makes something happen. A kiss, all too quick, but still a kiss. Or maybe some wine glasses tucked behind that tree. (Champagne, anyone?)
When you're in the moment, there's never time to think about that. Never enough time. All the time in the world, is useless in the here and now.
Plus, you know, she's an "ex". Those two letters, the worst two letters in the English language. Worst swear I've ever used.
How do you let go? How do you single, well-adjusted people let go of someone like that?
Our first class together, too busy, to find out what we should know about each other. Our first dinners together, a meal out with some friends. Again, too busy. We walk around campus, we talk about our homework, our families, our home lives, our jobs, our friends, our...their...dating lives.
Our first kiss. Our...last kiss. Our first and last kiss.
It's a path that can never really be tread again. Steps you can never repeat, steps you can never take back. A dance, a tango, a ritual of sorts. They call it "courting," a dance, a system that wouldn't be out of place in antiquity, in the halls of courts, in that stranger, nobler time before chivalry died a slow death, before lov...
They say we have love for our family, our country, our god, our fellow human beings. Our friends. But they never say you can love a friend, as opposed to..."love." Love. Love love love love love.
We toss that word around, like a used sweater. It gets worn, gets torn, you can see the holes. It becomes a frayed, tattered mess of an excuse for what it was. Then it gets tossed aside, and we move down the aisle, looking for another one to fill the void left by the last one.
What if I don't want a new one? How do you let go? How exactly do you let go? Does it get easier, the more times you go through those steps, that tango?
I've never wanted another partner. Never needed another partner.
You ask, "What does this 'dance' of yours mean? What makes you and your girlfriend...oh, I'm sorry...ex-girlfriend of yours, so damn special?"
There are many people who will never have an answer for that question. There are those who never really knew the answer in the first place.
But there are others who can't put it in words. And I will say that you cannot put that dance in words. You cannot put into words the first few steps in that thing called love any easier than you can explain those last few steps for someone who's never done it before, never been through that before, never taken that special someone in his hands and treated her like she is the most precious thing in the world.
I'm in the car, long gone by now. My buddy is with me. The "girl," the "ex," is nowhere to be found.
"She's nice," he says. "But I can see why..."
So what did I do wrong? Oh fountain of all knowledge?
"There's no spark," he says. "But I can tell that you were good friends."
The first step begins with that much, and ends with so little...
"You're also really sarcastic, dude."
Big surprise.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
1 Star
You know, every once in a while, someone asks me what exactly is the point of my blog title. (Well, okay, so no one's really said anything, but that's beside the point...)
And then I come across a video like this:
I get the feeling that I would exhaust my various four-letter words far faster than I could come up with new ones. (Ironically, these paragons of patriotism would probably give me one star for swearing anyway, so I guess that all works out.)
I'd like to note that, although the video title gives the impression that these individuals are undergoing "guerilla" training, this is not the case. Upon viewing the video, it becomes clear that the subjects are the last people you would bother calling "guerillas." However, the posters of the video, one "astroturfwars", creates a video title that gives a false first impression of the video's actual content. This object, this false first impression, is accomplished using a cursory knowledge of the Internet (i.e. the video title function) to give users of this information (the random person surfing the Web) an impression and opinion which does not take the facts contained within the video into account.
You see what I just did there?
One could argue that my analogy is invalid, because the posters of the video are misrepresenting factual information contained within the video (that is, the fact that our American Liberty team consists of Internet "guerillas," rather than camouflaged, gun-toting guerillas who will physically attack you in the dead of the night), while the lesson taught by the esteemed instructor within the video suggests a misuse of ratings systems for books, movies, blogs, etc., which is simply a matter of misrepresenting opinion...
Except, he goes on to gleefully admit, "I get on Amazon, I type in 'Liberal Books.' I go through and click '1 Star, 1 Star, 1 Star.' The flipside is, you go to a 'conservative,' 'libertarian,' whatever, go to their products and give them 5 stars. Okay? So, literally 80% of the books I put one star on, I don't read. So that's how it works."
So rather than giving his opinion based on a careful examination of the works he is rating, or even so much as a cursory glance of the, oh, words and thoughts put on paper for people to read, he rates these books based on whether or not he likes the title, or the blurb on the back, or the reviews from us members of the "liberal" media. He is literally judging a book by its cover.
Say it with me, folks...
The Brewsky is not amused.
And then I come across a video like this:
I get the feeling that I would exhaust my various four-letter words far faster than I could come up with new ones. (Ironically, these paragons of patriotism would probably give me one star for swearing anyway, so I guess that all works out.)
I'd like to note that, although the video title gives the impression that these individuals are undergoing "guerilla" training, this is not the case. Upon viewing the video, it becomes clear that the subjects are the last people you would bother calling "guerillas." However, the posters of the video, one "astroturfwars", creates a video title that gives a false first impression of the video's actual content. This object, this false first impression, is accomplished using a cursory knowledge of the Internet (i.e. the video title function) to give users of this information (the random person surfing the Web) an impression and opinion which does not take the facts contained within the video into account.
You see what I just did there?
One could argue that my analogy is invalid, because the posters of the video are misrepresenting factual information contained within the video (that is, the fact that our American Liberty team consists of Internet "guerillas," rather than camouflaged, gun-toting guerillas who will physically attack you in the dead of the night), while the lesson taught by the esteemed instructor within the video suggests a misuse of ratings systems for books, movies, blogs, etc., which is simply a matter of misrepresenting opinion...
Except, he goes on to gleefully admit, "I get on Amazon, I type in 'Liberal Books.' I go through and click '1 Star, 1 Star, 1 Star.' The flipside is, you go to a 'conservative,' 'libertarian,' whatever, go to their products and give them 5 stars. Okay? So, literally 80% of the books I put one star on, I don't read. So that's how it works."
So rather than giving his opinion based on a careful examination of the works he is rating, or even so much as a cursory glance of the, oh, words and thoughts put on paper for people to read, he rates these books based on whether or not he likes the title, or the blurb on the back, or the reviews from us members of the "liberal" media. He is literally judging a book by its cover.
Say it with me, folks...
The Brewsky is not amused.
Monday, October 18, 2010
No Money, No Problems
Many moons ago, I started this Blogger profile in order to make some extra cash. I was hoping to supplement this extra cash with whatever money or cash prizes I would make while applying for scholarships and filling out surveys. Also, I did some actual work for a living.
Have you ever tried filling out surveys? Just answer a few questions about your habits as a consumer or what you do for your free-time, and you could earn up to $250 a week! It's fast, easy, and...you'll be inundated with email after email for each new survey you have to fill out.
How is it that filling out stuff online for money is even more tedious than anything I've done for school or work? Hell, I had to make signs out of glitter and construction paper (it was a college job) and that still wasn't as tedious as any of the stuff I've had to do online. Granted, there was a supervisor talking me through it, but still...
You see, there's a little spot called ScholarshipPoints.com. It lets you earn points which will go toward a scholarship drawing; the more points you earn, the better your chances are of winning. All you have to do is join such reputed research groups as Zoom Panel or Harris Poll Online and fill out surveys for them, and you'll get a thousand points!
As experience has taught me, if you can't "Join" them on Facebook (which is no longer an option, since you can only "Like" a group anymore), then it's simply not worth it. Of course, if anyone has experience with these particular groups I've mentioned, I challenge you to convince me otherwise (especially if you've managed to "Join" them on Facebook).
One site I've signed up for is MyView, which has semi-regularly been sending me emails for surveys I apparently need to fill out. The only problem is that they tend to want information on your "consumer habits"; they ask questions ranging from how many household appliances you typically buy, to the last time you went on vacation. Of course, if your broke ass doesn't have anything in the way of "consumer habits," and you fill out "N/A" for all of their preliminary questions, they tell you, "Sorry, but we are unable to find an appropriate survey for you." So, no survey, no money.
For your information, I never buy household appliances, and the closest I ever come to a vacation is the Wal-Mart parking lot for about an hour at a time, whenever either my home or dorm life gets to be too much. Hell, the only car I've ever had (and still drive to this day) is almost as old as I am. Between that and the computer with which I am on the Internet right now, I haven't made a whole lot of big purchases. Which means that, as far as researchers are concerned, I am useless and might as well not exist. (I am starting to get back into the groove of at least renting movies or heading to the theater, if for no other reason than my Brewhaha reviews.)
Yes, I know you have to "spend money to make money," and I guess maybe my movie-related expenses and my "investments" (the car, the computer, maybe a home of my own eventually) might qualify. But when was it that our researchers decided that you need an entertainment budget just to qualify for their surveys? When was it that whoring out our wallets to consumerism became rewarded? When did this happen, and how did I miss the memo? (By the way, "RED" is awesome, and it beats "The Expendables" by a mile.)
If anyone needs me, I'll be in the discount aisle. By the way, my editor? You know, the guy who posts my notes and "bio" at the end? Yeah, I've cut back his hours.
Note: The Brewsky is an enthusiastic contributor and...wait, he did what?
Have you ever tried filling out surveys? Just answer a few questions about your habits as a consumer or what you do for your free-time, and you could earn up to $250 a week! It's fast, easy, and...you'll be inundated with email after email for each new survey you have to fill out.
How is it that filling out stuff online for money is even more tedious than anything I've done for school or work? Hell, I had to make signs out of glitter and construction paper (it was a college job) and that still wasn't as tedious as any of the stuff I've had to do online. Granted, there was a supervisor talking me through it, but still...
You see, there's a little spot called ScholarshipPoints.com. It lets you earn points which will go toward a scholarship drawing; the more points you earn, the better your chances are of winning. All you have to do is join such reputed research groups as Zoom Panel or Harris Poll Online and fill out surveys for them, and you'll get a thousand points!
As experience has taught me, if you can't "Join" them on Facebook (which is no longer an option, since you can only "Like" a group anymore), then it's simply not worth it. Of course, if anyone has experience with these particular groups I've mentioned, I challenge you to convince me otherwise (especially if you've managed to "Join" them on Facebook).
One site I've signed up for is MyView, which has semi-regularly been sending me emails for surveys I apparently need to fill out. The only problem is that they tend to want information on your "consumer habits"; they ask questions ranging from how many household appliances you typically buy, to the last time you went on vacation. Of course, if your broke ass doesn't have anything in the way of "consumer habits," and you fill out "N/A" for all of their preliminary questions, they tell you, "Sorry, but we are unable to find an appropriate survey for you." So, no survey, no money.
For your information, I never buy household appliances, and the closest I ever come to a vacation is the Wal-Mart parking lot for about an hour at a time, whenever either my home or dorm life gets to be too much. Hell, the only car I've ever had (and still drive to this day) is almost as old as I am. Between that and the computer with which I am on the Internet right now, I haven't made a whole lot of big purchases. Which means that, as far as researchers are concerned, I am useless and might as well not exist. (I am starting to get back into the groove of at least renting movies or heading to the theater, if for no other reason than my Brewhaha reviews.)
Yes, I know you have to "spend money to make money," and I guess maybe my movie-related expenses and my "investments" (the car, the computer, maybe a home of my own eventually) might qualify. But when was it that our researchers decided that you need an entertainment budget just to qualify for their surveys? When was it that whoring out our wallets to consumerism became rewarded? When did this happen, and how did I miss the memo? (By the way, "RED" is awesome, and it beats "The Expendables" by a mile.)
If anyone needs me, I'll be in the discount aisle. By the way, my editor? You know, the guy who posts my notes and "bio" at the end? Yeah, I've cut back his hours.
Note: The Brewsky is an enthusiastic contributor and...wait, he did what?
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